With a certain presidency already off to a rocky start, let us find comfort in knowing that men may have the patriarchy, but they will NEVER have morning skinny. Sure it is easy to feel overwhelmed in this trying time, but try this tomorrow morning: look at your minuscule little waist and feel a sense of euphoria that a straight—or any—man could ever imagine feeling. Bask in this feeling. It’s a skinny that is fleeting but it is a skinny that inspires. No matter how bad it gets, each morning you will wake up, and skinny will be there for you, Department of Education or not.
Morning skinny is an inspiration and a representation of all the beauty and sex appeal you are. Each night you may go to bed bloated or anxious about the uncertainty of our crumbling democracy, but each morning you are reborn and you are reborn skinny.
So what can you do in these troubling times? Enjoy your morning skinny. Know that it is unique to the feminine experience and the (very few if not zero) men reading this article have already clicked out or are so confused they are comprehending none of this gospel. From morning skinny we will rise. We may lose all that we have built to a felon in office, but they cannot take this from us. The one thing we have is morning skinny. The one thing we are is morning skinny. From morning skinny we will rise. From morning skinny we will rebuild.
Ladies, never give up. Never falter. Look to morning skinny as a reminder of who you can be. Of who you are: Teeny, tiny, and skanky. Until next time, ladies. May your waists stay little, your asses stay fat, and your rights remain intact.