Hey Mark Zuckerberg!
How’s it going? Is life treating you nicely? I bet it is, since you created Facebook and everything. You can seriously do whatever you want. Must be nice.
Anyway, I love Facebook. I’m a huge fan! But I also think you’re trying to sabotage me, Mark. Yes, I know this is a huge accusation to make, but I feel justified in stating this.
You know how you created Messenger? It’s great by the way – I love being able to contact the people who won’t give me their phone numbers. I’m a little confused though about that thumbs up feature. You know the one I’m talking about. Right next to where you can type. It’s to the right of the smiley face feature. Yes there is a thumbs up. Yeah now you know! Well, it sends without any warning. It doesn’t even go in the text box to make sure you actually want to send it.
This needs to change. This “thumbs up” feature is making me look like a psycho passive aggressive lil’ bitch. Allow me to elaborate. I’ve been ghosted once or twice in my life. You’re in with the millennial slang right Mark? Ghosting is when a person just stops responding to you, despite the “relationship” you shared together. I was experiencing this phenomenon.
I gave one guy my phone number over Messenger. Now, I don’t mean to dis Messenger, but I just feel like good ole texting is more personal. So, I sent him my number, but hadn’t heard back from him in a little while. I went back to the conversation to see if he read my message – since, Mark, you thought it was a good idea to add read receipts to Messenger (another letter for another time).
Well, he read the message but wasn’t texting me. Defeated, I tried exiting out of the conversation, but instead my finger accidentally slipped and hit your stupid ass thumbs up button that automatically sends! Now I look like a girl who’s hurt but trying to be sly and petty about it. I mean that is normally me, but I don’t need to convey this over Facebook Messenger – he was meant to find that out in person!
So seriously Mark, are you intentionally trying to hurt my love life? It’s already pretty unsuccessful. I don’t need you additionally strapping the bricks onto my feet, throwing me into the river, and yelling “every man for themselves!” Is that too graphic? Good, so this can be prevented from ever happening again. Please get your computer science people over in Menlo Park to get rid of this feature. I really don’t want to have to double text you.
Sincerely,
A Girl Seeking Affection