I used to think the world was full of only chaos, destruction, sadness, death…until that fateful night of October 13th, 2015. The Democratic Debate would change my life forever by introducing to me the man who would become my new adopted grandfather.
Yeah, I admit I went into the debate only knowing about Hillary and Bernie’s existences. Didn’t really know about the others, didn’t care. Anyone who says anything different is a big ol’ fake. But the moment I saw Lincoln Chafee, former Governor of Rhode Island (represent) walk onto the stage like a gentle leaf floating through the wind, I knew we had something special.
All throughout the debate, I took heed of his tender smile, his uncanny resemblance to a serene bird. But! Not everyone could see Lincoln as the compassionate, soft-spoken gazelle he was, nor feel the desire to swaddle him as if a newborn babe.
Anderson Cooper, mine new foresworn enemy, would not let up about Lincoln’s mistakes in the past (they’re in the past, people!), demanding he know why Lincoln voted for the deregulation of banks when he was first elected into Congress. He had a perfectly good excuse!!! His dad had just passed away, and he had to fill his dad’s seat in the Senate! Of COURSE he was overwhelmed, Cooper! He just wanted to make his father proud. When Lincoln added to Cooper, “I think you’re being a little rough,” well, I started bawling.
Unforunately, it seems that most others in America have hearts clearly made of stone. Like Wolf Blitzer, another new enemy of mine, who SLAMMED my poor grandfather/flower in a CNN interview. Um, I’m sorry, how is it Lincoln’s fault that America is too mean to donate money or vote for him in the polls? QUIT DRAGGING MY GRANDPA LIKE THAT.
And, furthermore, I am shocked and honestly, devastated to know that this betrayal has occurred inside The Rib itself. The fact that a fellow writer would criticize Lincoln’s emotions, his feelings, his PASSIONS, and his wardrobe choice wounds me to my very core. Et tu, Kristina?
I can honestly say with the sincerest of sincerities that I’m not exaggerating any of these feelings purely for comedic material; my strong, inexplicable feelings towards Lincoln are 10000% true. His dropping from the presidential race has led me to spend several days in bed, weeping and mourning the future of this nation without his kind-hearted soul at the helm. It’s okay, Lincoln. You won’t be living in the White House anytime soon, but I’m more than happy to welcome you into my home. My family. My life.
