To the girl singing “Bennie and the Jets” in the Perkins ground floor shower like an Elton John impersonator who has had too much to drink–are you okay? Are you in pain? It sounded like a cat was dying in there. Anyways, thanks for making the hall smell like coconut.
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To the girl at the Grad Center Gym who was literally just sitting there for ten minutes, I’m sorry I judged you before realizing that you were just doing a very mild yoga sequence. My apologies! You looked like you were very concentrated on exhaling. From, the people squatting rigorously across the room
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To the girl playing Carole King and Sufjan Stevens songs on piano in Steinert…who hurt you?
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To the girl who spilled tea on herself at the Ratty but pretended that she didn’t, I admire how unfazed you were and also how much cake you got at the dessert bar. Also, you might want to get your burn checked out at Health Services!
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To the girl slouched in a chair in the Blue Room watching John Oliver clips and getting so many goddamn muffin crumbs on her…wow. I have never seen so many crumbs on one person at one time.
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To the girl I’ve heard say “trust no one” on at least three occasions. I don’t even know your name, but I know that you must really like the X-Files. That must count for something. Coffee?
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To the girl in the Leung gallery who kept discreetly looking at herself in her phone camera because she thought she was smearing red lipstick all over her face while eating a focaccia sandwich, a) you were not discrete and b) the lipstick looked great, girl!
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To the girl who I saw walking down the Grad Center staircase like Jerry Lewis in the movie Cinderfella–are you an old person in disguise or my dream girl because I didn’t think any other young people knew that movie!
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To the girl taking surreptitious bites from a hazelnut Snicker’s Bar in the Hay Reading Room—there’s no food allowed in there! Please take your snacks elsewhere. From, the Hay librarian
Image via Sarah Clapp.