Picture day: perhaps one of the most anticipated days of the entire school year (except for the first day, obviously).
Your parents were excited; all they had to do was choose between five background colors, make sure you wore a (mostly) clean shirt, and then let someone else deal with how often you blinked and messed up pictures. Could it be any more ideal for them? Surely a professional would be able to make you look like the angelic child they knew you could be!
And as a kid, it was like your own personal glamour photo shoot, complete with a professional camera and fancy lights. I mean, they even gave out free combs so you could make sure your bangs were super straight. Plus, you got to leave class for a while, so it was basically like an extra recess. It just seemed like the perfect opportunity for photographic magic to happen.
But then you got in front of the camera, and everything just felt so wrong. Why was the background gray even though you ordered purple? Why were they telling you to sit like that? And why did anyone think it was okay to make you tilt your head that “perfectly calculated” number of degrees to the left?
Maybe worst of all was the man standing behind the camera and holding a puppet. You knew he was supposed to make you feel comfortable and allow you to achieve a natural laugh-smile, but there is absolutely nothing comforting about a stranger holding a puppet! (Now I’m wondering, did other people have to deal with the puppet, or was that just at my elementary school? If you were lucky enough to avoid him, just know how lucky you were!) As you aged, you outgrew the puppet man, but smiling for the camera NEVER. GOT. EASIER!
Because then there was the year you had braces, and you were faced with two options. You could do the awkward no-teeth-grimace, or you could flash your braces for a full-on metal mouth picture and have them steal the show. Or maybe you were having a typical angsty teenage day and you just couldn’t bring yourself to smile because you were feeling too many emotions. Those years were rough enough that you shouldn’t have been forced to put your gangly, growth-spurting self in front of a camera to document the moment. Unfortunately the show went on, and the camera continued to click away.
After what felt like forever, the pictures would finally arrive and you could take them home to show to your parents. Their faces beamed with excitement…until they opened the envelope. Their smiles faded and their eyes revealed their disappointment. Despite their high hopes, it was yet another painfully awkward headshot, with the unavoidable lopsided smile, half open eyes, and generally dazed look: more apelike than angelic. Picture day always promised to be magical, and yet it inevitably produced something resembling a mugshot. *Sigh* At least you could try again next year?