November 11, 2022
Arthi Ranganathan
69 Brown St, Providence, RI
Dear Hiring Manager,
Trevor Noah, the man of my dreams, has recently announced that he’s stepping down as host of The Daily Show. This announcement came soon after he met Dua Lipa, meaning it’s possible he developed such a huge crush on her that he’s abandoning all his responsibilities (been there). Trevor is the latest in the line of beautiful nerd-hunks who have run the show, and as a fellow beautiful nerdy hunk, I am determined (honestly, destined) to continue his legacy.
I know what you’re thinking – what makes a 20-year-old college student qualified to take the mantle of this beloved fixture of American television? Just hear me out. I’m an IAPA major (hold the applause) and hosting the Daily Show would be the best use of both my knowledge of politics and public affairs and my overwhelming urge to gossip. I need to channel these urges through a more important medium than 2000-word essays.
Joining an international organization like the UN and helping shape international law requires time, a lot of rules, and many more degrees than I have right now. This begs the question – why should I waste my time following the traditional route of becoming a head of state, when I can take advantage of The Daily Show’s platform to make fun of world leaders and enact true change?
Furthermore, you can trust me to keep my cool around the hot and accomplished people and musical guests that I’ll have on the show. I regularly like tweets and Tiktoks making fun of nepotism babies, and I act relatively normal around my hot friends. The real worry is if my guests will be able to keep their cool around me.
I’m sure you’re curious about what my reign as Host will look like. The show will be versatile, audiences will never know what’s coming next. I’ll be Dr. Frankenstein and take the best parts of daytime and late-night talk shows to make my hilarious, albeit terrifying, Monster. The world is feeling the absence of Wendy Williams right now– that’s why my version of The Daily Show will marry the Trevor Noah/Steven Colbert/John Oliver style news review with The Wendy Williams Show’s celebrity gossip format and extreme levels of audience interaction. This may include a Hot Topics segment where I intersperse political topics and celebrity gossip and then command the audience to “Clap if you Care!”
Or I’ll take the Graham Norton route: I’ll gather politicians from either side of the aisle and put them on either side of the guest couch. For my first episode, I’m thinking Ann Coulter, Liz Truss (also recently unemployed), and Trisha Paytas.
Let’s face it – with Trevor Noah leaving, the roster of late-night hosts goes back to being all white and old (over 40). I understand that Lilly Singh’s run didn’t go so well, but let me in the ring! I’ll check the diversity boxes and not be annoying about it. The job search for this summer has been disappointing, to say the least, being a TA doesn’t pay that much, and I need to secure a job that’s recession-proof. I’ll be waiting for a call from Comedy Central’s HR Department soon.
Sincerely,
Arthi Ranganathan