by Emily Adams
Rolling Stone interview with Justin Bieber, April 2068
As Justin Bieber nears his 74th birthday, he is still the beloved teen heart-throb he was forty years ago. Following suit, this wild, car-crashing, paparazzi-punching stallion is as hip as ever, despite two actual hip replacements last winter.
While in the office, Bieber showed off a new addition to his bodily artwork. Although he ran out of skin long ago, the tattoo enthusiast pointed to a faded old dragon peeking through a new self-portrait on his right arm, “I designed it myself.” Lifting up loose skin to reveal the work, Bieber added, “it’s a favorite cause it’s tight. You know? So it’s about like fierceness and stuff, and living life.”
The artist’s new album, “Is That the Light?” is surely to get you thinking about things no artist has ever provoked in you before. The record will mark his 50th album, a milestone in the artist’s career. Pop ballads like “Bingo Baby” and “Everything Aches” balance the soft acoustics of “Need My Nurse” in a manner that is equal parts soulful as it is catchy. His agent commented that the singer has taken from old singles to reinvent his voice, a creative staple in the songwriter’s pursuit to keep the Beliebers. “It’s like the way he insists on getting tattoo after tattoo after tattoo: this lion keeps fighting. Baby aspirin can work miracles, what can I say?”
In Bieber’s highly-anticipated new album, he works with titles similar to that of his 2015 hits, “Where Are You Now?” and “What Do You Mean?” to attract past fans. At the time, the above hits were well received, reaching number one on the charts faster than the cafeteria line at Bieber’s current assisted living facility. Speaking of which, that is the place where we sat down with the singer to hear it all (even though he can’t).
Rolling Stones: How do you keep creating master pieces? Where does the inspiration come from?
Justin Bieber: It’s honestly all up here, in my head, that’s where it comes from. I hear voices and then I hear music and then I put the two together and then the voices get louder. What were we talking about?
RS: It seems you’ve hit a gold mine with the universal questions that so many of us need to know the answer to. Tell us about the bonus track, “What Is That Smell?”
JB: That one’s from here, in the soul. It’s relevant every damn day, baby girl. You get a whiff of funkytown sometimes and you gotta put it to a sick beat.
RS: How so?
JB: It’s mid-afternoon and you don’t know what’s gotten into you, but it’s trynna make its way out and then you’re left with more questions than answers and boom, girl, lyrics. They just slip out.
Bieber’s next two chart toppers, “What Day of the Week is it?” and “How Did I Get Here?” will be available on iTunes30.0 next week. In a display of his gratitude, Bieber sent us a snapshot of himself sporting Calvin Klein Depends, thoughtfully signed, “You make me go, girl.” A true poet and an artistic pioneer nonetheless.
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