Halloween is officially over. It’s November, and you know what that means—the Christmas season is upon us! That’s right, Christmas is right around the corner, the corner of Jack-o’-Lantern Avenue and Snowflake Street. Nothing standing in the way. Nope. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Not one thing…Ugh, fine! Except…Thanksgiving.
Maybe you’re the kind of person who enjoys Thanksgiving. Halloween ends, and you’re in full-on turkey mode, celebrating the Mayflower hitting a rock in Plymouth (Haha, what genocide?). But I don’t see things that way. Thanksgiving just doesn’t mean that much to me. It’s not because I don’t eat meat; I love Tofurky! It’s because fundamentally, Thanksgiving is a cheap knockoff of Christmas.
For me, both holidays involve a gathering of the family. However, Thanksgiving occurs in a room full of dull brown and orange tones, instead of one with the fun, sparkly, and colorful decorations of Christmas. Call me when someone invents a Thanksgiving Tree!
I get tons of presents on Christmas (not ashamed to admit that I love material possessions), but the only present I get on Thanksgiving is a bloated stomach. Alright, maybe the apple and pumpkin pies are delicious, but they’re nothing compared to Christmas cookies. Those little ones with the Hershey’s kisses in the middle? Give ‘em to me! Sugar cookies shaped like Santa? Bring it on! Boring, undecorated slice of pie on a paper plate? …I mean, I’ll eat it, but I won’t enjoy it that much! And Mr. Sandler, although I love your Thanksgiving song, it’s kind of the only one out there. Christmas songs are infinite, and my heart beats in time with the jingle bells.
When I’m faced with feelings of second-hand embarrassment for a fake holiday, I turn to the television for refuge. Finally, something moderately ‘festive’ to cling on to: The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade or perhaps the Westminster Dog Show. I don’t get to watch for long before any stereotypically masculine relative rips the remote from my hands and changes the channel to something more ‘manly’ than a parade or cute puppies trotting around in circles. Christmas would never betray me like this. Everyone loves Christmas movies. Even the Hallmark ones.
Thanksgiving is simply not as magical as Christmas, which is truly the most wonderful time of the year. Even writing about it now is making me smile and get that warm Christmassy feeling inside. It’s a time for gingerbread houses, extreme home decorating, and making those Christmas wishes–a time that I can quote Home Alone more than I already do, hope for my meet-cute with someone who loves Christmas just as much (like Buddy+Jovie), and just be happy with my family. Sorry, Thanksgiving, but you don’t stack up!