An exclusive investigation into one American student’s life on how she went from naïve study abroad student to the most wanted person in all of Italy.
BOLOGNA, Italy- A sharp chill sweeps over the city of Bologna, Italy in this unsettlingly frigid September afternoon. I shiver as I sit on the Piazza Maggiore, scanning the faces of the people of this fine city; their faces drawn, tense. This is no surprise. All of Italy has been on edge since the fateful incident.
To understand it better, I have taken it upon myself to investigate the truth. I have traveled to Bologna to find out what really happened one fateful June afternoon.
During the first few days of summer, a small group of American internationals entered a popular and inexpensive establishment. They were seated. A waitress approached. She inquired to the students what they’d like to order for lunch. Those at the scene of the crime reported that other students ordered nothing out of the ordinary, but when it was Nicole Martinez’s (21, American) turn to order, that’s where things started to go wrong. She opened her mouth and spoke the following words:
Could I get an iced coffee?
Silence had fallen over the restaurant. A couple of people turned their heads to see if they had heard correctly; did someone just ask for an iced coffee? At two in the afternoon? During lunchtime? In Italy?
“We didn’t know the restaurant could get so quiet,” said one of the sources, “You could hear a pin drop.”
The waitress tried to salvage the situation responding with a simple, “No.”
Nicole, apparently too dim an American to understand, replied, “No? Are you guys out or something?”
The poor waitress, Isabella (25, Native Bolognian), in vain, attempted to steer Nicole in the right direction, “What were you planning to order for lunch? A piada, a sandwich? It wouldn’t pair well with the iced coffee.”
To everyone’s horror, Nicole laughed and said, “I still want the iced coffee with my sandwich.”
It was reported that somebody screamed and fell into a dead faint. Others screamed at Miss Martinez that nobody drank iced coffee with lunch! It was past noon! The audacity! The lack of respect for culture! Sources claimed that Miss Martinez was immediately humiliated at the response and seemed at a loss for words. Within seconds of her fateful declaration, the policed slammed through the doors, announcing she was under arrest for grievances against the nation of Italy.
No one knows how she escaped. Witnesses say it all happened so fast. Maybe it was all her afternoon caffeine buzz, maybe it was her American wiles, all they knew was that she slipped through their fingers, and vanished from sight.
President Sergio Mattare addressed the nation and all American international students that evening, imploring, “This is pretty embarrassing for her. Don’t be that guy that orders iced coffee.”
Months have passed. The city continues to be anxious, clenched, on high alert, constantly jumping at every shake of a cup of ice cubes. President Mattare addresses the Italian people every morning, updating them on Nicole’s whereabouts. And every morning, it’s the same thing: no sight of Italy’s public enemy number one. We are trying our best. We are sorry.
There have been several false reports and sightings. A woman who ordered a cold coffee at 12:01 in the afternoon was interrogated for several hours but was eventually released when investigators realized she had her watch set one hour late. Recently, the police were immediately notified when a woman with dark hair and of short stature ordered an iced coffee with her dinner. But by the time the authorities had arrived, she had vanished, presumably crossing the border into the Swiss Alps.
Some wonder how the shame has affected the perpetrator. Most people can only hope that one day, Italy may rest easy again.
Image via and Nicole Martinez.