Given that our resident Ins and Outs girlie Linnea is ‘studying abroad’, I’ve taken it upon myself – with her approval, of course – to construct this well-researched and verrrry important list of Ins and Outs for Spring Weekend. If it’s In, it’s acceptable. If it’s Out, Don’t!!! Even!!! Try!!!
Ins:
1. Prescription Drugs
Recreational drugs? For Spring Weekend? Ground-breaking. Separate yourself from the herd and stick to SSRIs and anti-depressants. You’ll be a better person for it.
2. Hedonism
What is Spring Weekend for if not increasing (your own) pleasure and decreasing (your own) pain. Make like Aristippus and overindulge.
3. Kate Moss at Glastonbury-core
Stomp around in your wellies and unleash your inner Granola Girl!
4. DFMOs (Dance Floor Make-Outs)
Smooching at Campus Dance was awkward and off-putting. Smooching at Spring Weekend is sexy and important.
5. Rain ponchos
You American cowards almost let 17mm of rain ruin the entire weekend. For shame! Thankfully, common sense prevailed, but this also means that we face 2 days of festivalling outdoors. Investing in a rain poncho will keep you dry and feed into your superiority complex as you see your damp friends flailing around you. Bonus points if it’s transparent and we can see your outfit (read: glittery crop top and shorts) underneath.
6. Theft
Raid your most fashionable friend’s closet and steal borrow some chic new pieces. With the help of their 100% thrifted wardrobe, no one will be able to tell that the rest of your outfit was panic-purchased from the Urban on Thayer last week.
Outs:
1. Cowboy boots
I know that you have them because of that one day a few weeks ago when it was semi-warm and everyone and their mother wore a floral sundress and cowboy boots (remember?), but I don’t need to see them this weekend. Keep them in the closet until it’s time to throw them out when we all inevitably realise that this was a weird and overly long trend.
2. Shoes
Take it a step further and ditch your shoes entirely! They’re going to get wrecked either way, so why not go barefoot? ‘What a free spirit!’, everyone will think as you prance around in the mud without a care in the world or feeling in your toes.
3. The term ‘Spreekend’
Pump out that extra syllable. Just do it.
4. Whatever Kendall Jenner thinks she did at Coachella
In a shocking turn of events, Kendall Jenner showed up at Coachella 2023 looking even more boring than normal. Apparently, it was to show that she’s now ‘above Coachella’ and so I’d like to make it clear that no-one is above Spring Weekend and outfits like the one featured below will not be tolerated.
5. Borgs
It’s only a matter of time before I see ‘aBORGtion’ and I think it’s best we put a stop to this nonsense before then.
6. Corset Tops
My gorgeous, gorgeous big-breasted friends. I know that that one corset top you found at Savers that actually fits looks amazing on you. But there’s only one jerky arm movement between you and public indecency.
And to my smaller-chested pals. You’re better than this. Shirts are made with you in mind and the fashion industry is your slave. You have choices. Get creative.
7. Getting EMS’d
You’re an adult. Get a grip.