I was just introduced to a new term: couplesplaining. According to Kate Hakala’s article on mic.com, We’re Happy for You Guys, but Please Stop Couplesplaining, she uses the term to define when “couples in particular seem apt to doling out these relationship platitude, truisms masquerading as wisdom and delivered with an annoying air of superiority.” Finally, someone who understands. I got your back, Kate.
We get it; you’re a great couple. Seriously, I’m not bitter. I am genuinely happy you two found each other. No sarcasm intended. However, you need to let me bitch about not having a male counterpart without telling me “my time will come” or that I’m the “apple on the top of the tree that takes hard work and dedication to reach, but is worth it in the end.” First of all, really, you’re comparing me to an apple? Not even a more exotic fruit, like a mangosteen? Secondly, it’s not like I’m purposely choosing to live the single life, at least not right at this moment. I want an actual justifiable answer as to why I can’t land a nice guy like, today. I do set myself to high standards like that “apple” on the top of the tree because I know I’m worth it, but I want a few guys to attempt to try to pick me – even if they (or I) fail miserably.
I know these motivating comments from my friends are meant to make me feel better about myself, but I can’t help but be a little doubtful of their intentions–a natural tendency of mine. Are you trying to be passive aggressive and suggesting maybe there’s something terribly wrong with me that I can’t see but everyone else can, which explains why I’m single? And if I’m wrong, I’m sorry for making this harsh assumption. We single people tend to be vulnerable.
Another truthful argument Hakala makes is that “the real issue with couplesplaining is that it brushes singles’ experiences away with a broad, smug wave of encouragement, with little regard for the priorities and desires of the person on the receiving end.” Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. People love the single life. If she wants to remain single, we should encourage the woman’s independence! Just for your reference:
But for those women who are actively searching for a male presence in her life, Mary, an interviewee from the article, gives the best visual. “‘You gotta put yourself out there…. It’s as if existing and having a social life isn’t enough — I should be baton-twirling and playing the kazoo to get attention,” she says. Honestly though, don’t tell me I’m not making enough of an effort to seek out guys. I go out every most weekends. I’ll take up juggling if necessary if my dance moves at the club or superb conversation skills fail.
So don’t remind me of my Nana and tell me JDate is a great option. I’m 19. I’m not looking to settle down yet. I appreciate you trying to help with your “words of wisdom” but you all are just as young as I am. I’ll leave that role for my mother. For now, I need that firsthand experience to gain your “wisdom” myself. Only problem: I need a guy first.
Image via.
