Last week, I received a life changing text: “You know I pop bottles ‘cause I bottle my emotions.” Initially, I thought my friend was fulfilling my dream of drinking in the club while spittin’ moody, introspective witticisms. Then I realized that it was a Sunday and we were both sitting in the library. Embarrassed by my naivety, I quickly recognized that this was, of course, a Drake lyric.
As it turns out, there is an entire app devoted to Drake’s stunning lyrics. The app, “Drizzy,” functions as a keyboard comprised exclusively of Drake lyrics. For efficient text response time, Drizzy organizes Drake’s best bars into convenient categories, including “Motivation,” “Feels,” and my personal favorite, “Hustle.” It seemed too good to be true. Thankfully, Drake had a perfect lyric to express how I was feeling. On “Fear,” Drake raps, “Sometimes I question if this is all real, then I grab on that ass and I firmly believe it.” So I took the Canadian rapper’s sagacious advice and grabbed that ass app.
I had to fight my hoarding tendencies and make space within the meager 16 gigabyte storage capacity on my iPhone. I bravely sacrificed my podcasts, and finally gave up on my first semester dream of listening to Serial. Please don’t judge me for lying a little bit to maintain the façade of being up to speed on pop culture. I’m sorry Sarah Koenig! But, boy, was it worth it.
Although I’m ashamed to admit it, I can’t always remember every single Drake lyric verbatim. Sometimes the nuances of his syntax get lost between my fading memories of Spanish verb tenses and quadratic equations. Thank goodness I have Drizzy to remind me that Drake specifically noted the fat content of the muffins in his line, “But do I ever come up in discussions over double pump lattes and low fat muffins?” It would have completely ruined the sentiment if I had accidentally overlooked that crucial detail.
This is the next frontier in 21st century communication, people. First, we were limited to 140 characters on Twitter. Then we started forgoing anything more than a Snapchat with a quick caption. Emoji threatened to take us back to the glory days of hieroglyphs, but now it seems that Drizzy is perhaps our final, purest form of communication. Rather than try to express our innermost feelings ourselves, we should put our full faith in the man who has mastered emotional expression via the rap game. From now on, I will communicate exclusively through Drizzy. This ain’t no time for actin’, this ain’t no time for games, this ain’t no time for uncertainty. Drizzy forever.
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