Hello everyone! My name is Your Taste in Music Sucks. I currently live in a basement which never sees the light of day, and my hobbies include crocheting, watching paint dry, and judging people based on their music preferences. That’s right. I’m here to tell you that the United States is in crisis right now. It’s an epidemic of bad music.
Hey, you uncultured swines! It’s time to listen to some real music. I’m talking about pop, hip-hop – any songs from this century, people! I am the expert! Listen. To. Me. Have your favorite artists produced any new music in the past 20 years? Are they even relevant anymore? Have 12-year olds even heard of them? I think not. It’s time you got educated.
The Beatles? The Rolling Stones? Simon and Garfunkel? What a disgrace. These songs are absolutely trash. Have you even really listened to them? Their lyrics are shallow, meaningless. Where’s the message? The story? The metaphors?! You think you’re cool for listening to outdated songs? Listen up, buddy. You don’t get a prize for listening to music that’s older than you are.
Honestly I can’t be friends with people who don’t know every single verse by Nicki Minaj and can’t belt Beyoncé at the top of their lungs. We need to appreciate their lyrical genius. If Tik Tok or Just Dance isn’t your #1 jam, I’m not sure if I can look at you anymore. Let’s be real. Anaconda changed a generation. It might be time for you to catch up with the times. Welcome to the 21st century.
I’m the type of person who is so narrow-minded that I like to discriminate against others based on their favorite artists, because my taste in music is far superior to that of everyone else. I look down on those who are easily swept away by “classic rock.” Those songs put me to sleep. They have no soul. No substance. They’re boring. I need upbeat, fun songs in my life. I’m not dead yet.
If I ever catch you listening to “fake” music, you bet I will be in your face judging you. I’m not afraid to call you out in public and shame you for having personal preferences. That’s just the kind of person I am. Always willing to help those who are misguided in life. You’ll thank me later on when you finally realize my taste in music is superior to yours. How dare anyone enjoy something I don’t like! It’s unthinkable.
Sincerely,
Your Taste in Music Sucks
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