Brown University freshman Sarah McBride thought she was prepared for college. She meticulously completed the optional Canvas 1st-Year @ Brown course like the #girlboss she is and annotated her first-year readings with a whole rainbow’s worth of Post-Its. She even waited patiently to arrange the courses she was interested in in her primary cart on CAB, which, at the time of reporting, had already crashed three times.
So when McBride arrived on move-in day, she didn’t expect to immediately face her toughest challenge yet: what to do after you’ve moved in.
Her bed was assembled, lavender-scented memory foam mattress topper and all. Her clothes had been put away, and her super unique posters from Redbubble had been hung up. She even photographed some water damage she found in a drawer because she already knows ResLife will squeeze every possible penny out of her. Her room was perfectly arranged, but what next?
In an interview with McBride, she confessed, “Nobody prepared me for this part. My roommate doesn’t arrive until the afternoon, so what do I do, just sit here?” McBride’s roommate, who she had awkwardly conversed with via Instagram DM for approximately two weeks, wouldn’t arrive until 2pm.
“Like is there somewhere I’m supposed to be?” McBride wondered. “According to my orientation schedule PDF, there’s an ice-cream social tomorrow which is sure to be not awkward and super fun for all involved.”
In the meantime, McBride tried everything. She measured the square footage of her room, scrolled to the end of Instagram, re-arranged the desks, and even filmed a TikTok. She was at her wit’s end. “It’s giving ‘The Yellow Wallpaper,’” said the dead cockroach under her dresser.
Completely out of possible things to do, McBride even called her parents to ask how they were doing.
“We were very surprised to receive a call from Sarah ten minutes after we moved her in,” commented her father, Don. “It was thoughtful, but she really didn’t need to. Aren’t there things she’s supposed to be doing right now?”
McBride, who has looked at every Brown-related Instagram account known to man, never saw this issue addressed anywhere. She knew about Blueno, the SciLi, CPax, the MoChamp deer, the three-day reign of @brownumemes as President — she thought she knew it all! But apparently not.
She was last seen sitting on her twin-XL, trying to figure out what “the move” was.
Image via Adobe.