If there’s one thing that Tinder has taught me, it’s that men LOVE comedy. 57% of men on the app choose “Comedy” as one of their top interests*, which in turn makes me 3x more likely to swipe right*. And I’m not alone — studies have shown* that 83% of hilarious bisexual femmes are attracted to humor above all else (seriously! we’ll stoop preeeeeeeetty low for a laugh)*.
*These statistics are based on my research alone. But I did watch one Khan Academy math video a while back sooooo I think I know what I’m talking about.
But, really, how funny are these Tinder men? Do they really like comedy, or is this just another ploy for women’s attention? As an experienced social researcher (see my note above), I saw it as my duty to find out. In service of the truth, I matched with men (gasp!) and asked them a simple favor: to tell me a joke.
Here are the experimental results, ranked in order of funny:
9. The Deflector
All I wanted was a ‘lil laugh, and Ryan threw it right back in my face. This is not just one big game of sexual hot potato. And by the way: if I wanted to gift him a joke, I would’ve asked for his address so I could send him a mirror. BOOM. ROASTED. 0/10.
8. The Over Sharer
I’m glad I could be an outlet for… whatever this is. But did understanding the ins-and-outs of Michael’s comedic genius make me wanna…? Nope! 1/10.
7. The Middle Schooler
The way into my pants is NOT through the toilet. 2/10.
5/6. The Ol’ Reliables
A tie for the middle! Preeeeeetttttty sure my sixth grade English teacher invented these bad boys. But, hey, at least they took the trouble to tell real jokes (or, at least to Google them). 4/10.
3/4. The Men of the Good Book
Who knew Tinder would draw a religious crowd? Big risk bringing up religion before the first date. But points off for failing to keep the convo flowing like holy water. AND sources tell me that the rabbit joke was ripped right from Stephen King’s Twitter. NOT COOL, BRO. 5.3/10.
2. The Relentless Cow
Speaking of keeping the convo going! Anthony was by far the most entertaining of my suitors. He had these bad boys ready to go, and for that, I commend him. Bonus points for sending me a final “Ily” as I unadded him—so kind. But HOW DARE HE bring my mother into this. It’s men like him that make me a functioning ho-moo-sexual. 6/10.
1. The Winner!
PLEASE NOTE: all these men were immediately released back into the Tinderverse post-experiment. I wouldn’t willingly suffer these dad jokes in real life — even if it was for science.
Featured image by the wonderful Lucy Lebowitz. Screenshots from Tinder.