How to Sound Funny

The past few months have been a wild ride here at The Rib. We’ve had our ups, our downs, our wine, and our four extra slices of funfetti cake that we were not originally allotted. That might have just been me. But what we’ve had, most importantly, was a lot of laughs. That’s what funny gals do: we sit in a room together once a week, and laugh every time someone says something. It’s like an uncompetitive competition as to who can be the funniest all of the time. And there is a definite slight chance that some people do participate in this uncompetitive competition rather competitively. That’s just my own personal theory, though.

If you aren’t funny, then my gut reaction is to tell you to try to be because people love other people that are funny. You might not be naturally funny, and if you aren’t, then don’t try too hard. Failed attempts at humor are much worse than no humor at all. Present yourself as one who “has a good sense of humor” rather than as someone “humorous.” There are a few patterns I’ve noticed that help make people look like they have “a good sense of humor” or trigger their funny bone, although it may be deeply, deeply, very deeply buried within them. If you’re up for the whole “new year new you” thing, which usually proves to be utterly failed and disappointing when I don’t become a hybrid of Beyoncé and Summer Roberts when I wake up hashtag-flawless as heck on January 1st, here are some suggestions for increasing your funniness:

1. The number one thing is to talk about poop. Girls love to talk about poop, and funny girls love to talk about poop to prove how funny they are because everyone will be willing to engage in a conversation with a funny person about poop.

2. Don’t be afraid to cross some boundaries you may not have crossed before. Think: all obscene and not politically correct jokes. Try muttering those under your breath.

3. Don’t be annoying, because annoying people are never funny. They are just annoying.

4. Be modest, because everyone loves an underdog. Be unassuming. Like Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect.

5. Talk about “problems” people have, especially those that might inspire Twitter accounts. Also talk about “basic” things. There’s lots of material there.

6. Make very absurd comparisons that no one would ever naturally or instinctively think of, but still make absolutely perfect sense. An eh example of this: “Poached eggs are the new black.” This one, in use, receives a lot of laughs. Some laughs are in response to you being funny. Others were point-and-laugh-at-that-ridiculous-statement laughs. But you’re the only one who makes that distinction, so it’s totally fine.

7. Be self-depreciative but only to the extent that your audience still finds you mentally stable. It’s usually the easiest to be funny when talking about yourself, especially with anecdote. My go-to is the story of how I shit myself onstage while playing the role of “The Wall of Thorns” in my summer camp’s production of Sleeping Beauty. No one ever knows what’s worse: that I shit myself, or that they made me play The Wall of Thorns.

8. Know your audience. Sometimes, there are certain boundaries that you maybe should be afraid to cross depending on who you’re talking to. The story of the first time I got my period — while hiking up a mountain in a hail storm, also at camp — is a crowd-pleaser for the girlies. The guys usually find themselves a bit uncomfortable. Trust me. I’ve tested it on males two or three times, and the third time just was not the charm.

Good luck. New year, new you.

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