The week that Donald Trump was elected president of the United States was a tough one. I had two papers to write, one presentation to prepare, a Rib article to edit, and, oh yeah, I was supposed to somehow move on as if it were normal that a racist Islamophobic misogynist cheeto was given command of the most powerful nation on Earth. To top it off, there was a “thing” with a person that ended with me feeling kind of like a giant pigeon was taking a crap on my heart.
I know what you’re thinking.
Daniella, this is The Rib. I don’t come here to be reminded of how awful XYZ is. I’m here for some good ole lighthearted hahas. Also, I’m kind of concerned for your well-being.
I know! I know. I’m actually in a great place right now, thanks for asking. And the reason I’m doing well is actually what I want to share with you today, and that is that I’ve found the secret to curing broken hearts, and that is:
The most effective way for dealing with the absolute shattering of your heart — by college boys or by blonde reality star toupee-wearin’ boys— is listening to bad disco music.
That’s right. Listen. To. ABBA.
Alright, alright. Maybe ABBA isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I get it. You cool kids who listen to The 1975 or whatever aren’t into the whole “We are a surprisingly really stylish band from Sweden” vibe. Or the “Yes, we are married to one another and it doesn’t get weird” vibe. (To clarify- two married couples formed the band– all four of them weren’t married, unfortunately. That would’ve been a fun concert to go to. Damn Swedish laws.)
Sure, maybe they were too mainstream and too pop-ish at a time when Zeppelin was also around. And okay, yes, they were Jackie’s favorite band in That 70’s Show– so it’s kind of uncool. There was also, indeed, a goofy musical made using ABBA’s music. But don’t discredit the band completely. Also, watch the movie of the musical. It’s fun! Amanda Seyfried is a goddess, but mostly, watch because Meryl Streep is in it. And if the film version of Mamma Mia!: The Smash-Hit Musical isn’t enough to get you to listen to ABBA, then the fact that it’s the secret to curing a broken heart should do the trick.
I have to say, I’ve always been a fan of ABBA. (It’s fine, I’m trash, let’s move on.)
But even though I listened avidly (or abbidly) to ABBA, their songs were something I could never really relate to. Well, except for “Dancing Queen,” which I listened to on repeat the day I turned 18 as I hunched over a box of Kleenex and cried over “my lost youth” and the fact I would never be Young and sweet / Only seventeen ever again.
ABBA sings about tragic loss, heartbreak, and also Waterloo. And I just didn’t get it.
But damn, that week that Donald Trump won, the same week that the pigeon-crap dude didn’t have it together, I felt like I finally understood.
Consider the lyrics to “The Winner Takes It All” which was really a breakthrough song for me:
I don’t want to talk /
About the things we’ve gone through/
Though it’s hurting me/
Now it’s history.
Same, ABBA! Same!! I don’t think I wanted to or was even capable of vocalizing anything that first week. It was so painful. Mostly in terms of the election, but also the pigeon-crap dude. And Donald Trump winning was literally history.
From another song, entitled “S.O.S.”:
Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find/
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind/
Whatever happened to our love?/
I wish I understood/
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good.
Wow. These lyrics hold enough content to unpack for a final paper. Let me translate.
- “Where are those happy days?” Donald Trump Presidency = no more happy days.
- “I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind.” I tried to reach for you = my texts to pigeon-crap-guy. Closed minds = “alt-Right” people who thought he’d be a bad president, but somehow still voted for him.
- “I wish I understood” = yeah, literally, like I don’t understand?!
“S.O.S.” is actually such an underrated ABBA song and the title is, of course, 100% relatable. Someone save our souls! Aliens take over the planet! Michelle Obama 2020!
In the end, what I’m trying to say is:
Let the pain of whatever is causing your little heart to not be happy –whatever the cause may be– lead you to lean on music. Specifically, ABBA music.
So, go forth and move forward and kick life’s ass.
To do this, I leave you with this lyric from “Dancing Queen”:
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine.
Alternatively, there’s this gem from “When All Is Said and Done”:
Slightly worn, but dignified, and not too old for sex/
We’re still striving for the sky/
Go taste for humble pie.*
Strive for the sky, kids. You may be worn, but you’re still dignified. Have sex. But most importantly, go for that slice of humble pie. I hear it tastes like pumpkin, which is the only thing available at The Ratty this time of year, anyway.
*The lyrics are contested, it could also be “no taste for humble pie” or “got taste for humble pie”– but I think “go taste for humble pie” is the advice you should go with.
