Halloween and Thanksgiving have now past. Most people, now sufficiently scared and thankful, find themselves looking forward during this confusing holiday lull to Christmas or the new year celebration. You don’t have to walk far down any hall to hear the familiar trills of Christmas music, and it’s certainly gotten colder out.
As a sleep-deprived college student, I love the winter holidays—and the school breaks and free stuff that come with them—just as much as the next person. But I’ve got to say, being spirited all the time in these last few months of the year is just consistently exhausting. You’ve got to get excited for Halloween, and just when you’ve come down from your sugar high, you have to get into Thanksgiving mode, and when your stomach shrinks back to its original size—BAM—time to get that Christmas spirit going.
It made me wonder if three major holidays in a span of a few months is just a bit excessive.
But no matter. College is a time for change and problem solving and innovation. And so I’d like to propose a new holiday to take the place of those ratty old ones: Hallonksmas.
It would occur right around the middle of November, and would involve two weeks of feasting and partying and getting all that spirit out of your system before a year’s recharging. And if you had a favorite part of the old holidays—never fear! Hallonksmas will combine the best parts of the three.
We live in a society plagued with consumerism; companies would, of course, flock to the idea of three separate holidays so that they can have three separate occasions to sell you a bunch of shit you don’t need (pumpkin spice flavored Doritos—game, set, match). But you can keep your wallets full and your heart happy during Hallonksmas, by making your reckless holiday shopping decisions just once a year.
And if scaring people is your sort of thing—no worries! On Hallonksmas, we cover ourselves in fake blood and sneak down people’s chimneys in the dead of night shouting and demanding candy, which isn’t far too far off from the origin of Thanksgiving, if you think about it. Then there’s Santa Claus, who travels around in a nifty sleigh pulled by turkeys to deliver even more candy. And instead of Christmas caroling, you can knock on doors and aggressively tell your neighbors what you’re thankful for.
But as a homage to consumerism, Black Friday’s still around. So you all still have an opportunity to kill each other fighting over vegetable strainers.
Image via.
2 thoughts on “Happy Hallonksmas”