“Going Off of That”: I HATE Section

I hate section. I always have. I always will. As a freshman, I used to think, “I Love College!” That is, until I learned that sections were a thing. I’ve been sophomore slumpin’ ever since.

sec ∙ tion (noun)

1. A mandatory component of large lecture classes.
2. A small group of your most annoying peers all gathered to discuss required readings and complex questions or ideas.
3. A TA’s punishment for being young, smart, and academic.
4. A professor’s scapegoat for material that will definitely be on the final but will not be covered in lecture for some odd reason.

I honestly can’t fathom how anyone could like section. The phrase “going off of that” is my least favorite phrase in the entire world and today, dear readers, I will definitely go off (of that). I’m going off, going up like a rocket–I am straight up telling you the reasons why, you, too, should hate section.

1. Everyone somehow manages to be incredibly annoying — Sections are never pleasurable. Your TA doesn’t want to be there. Your fellow students don’t want to be there. Your professor obviously doesn’t want to be there (and never will be). From the get-go, the atmosphere at section is let’s just get this over with.
2. You didn’t even do the readings — No one ever does the readings. Or if someone does do the readings, it’s you, and you either forget everything you’ve ever read or you’re the only one actually invested in the discussion. In either case, you lose, because you’re either the annoying dork that keeps raising their hand, sighing as you answer a question because you’re just so over it, or the room is so quiet you can hear your grades drop.
3. The kid who reads verbatim from the book when he answers a question — There’s always that one asshole person that believes answering a question is done most effectively by READING A 300-PAGE QUOTE FROM THE TEXTBOOK. It’s not necessary, Jeremy, to motherfucking read the whole thing. Give us a page number. We, too, can read! Paraphrase and move on.
4. The kid who can’t stop bragging—This is the other person that always pops up. They somehow can’t seem to open their mouth without spouting out what they did in high school. Sometimes their comments are vaguely related, but sometimes I don’t care that you watched Romeo and Juliet in high school at my ENGINE 9 section.
5. The kid who thinks he’s smarter than anyone else — Sometimes you have those people that completely 100% get the material. They probably could get their PhDs already and are baby geniuses. And that’s great; I’m cool with people being smarter than me (and also with baby geniuses). But some of our peers are real baby genius assholes. We get it; you’re familiar with every author in the mainly obscure syllabi of a given MCM course. Good for you, Saussure. Way to go. Shut up now.
6. It seems like a waste of time — Section can be either really helpful or really not. Your TAs may be reiterating what you learned in lecture or challenging you to look in-depth into your readings. Either way, it’s always too short of a time period to cover anything well. Worst part is you could’ve spent those 50 minutes doing something you actually do well, like picking your nose or something.
7. The phrase “Going off of that” — The person who says this is using others’ arguments to jump into the conversation. They be piggybackin’, and it is so obvious. 9 out of 10 times people say this phrase they’re just trying to hear their own voice and are probably figuring out what they are saying as they say it.
8. The phrase “I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for” — You’re probably right. Way to warn me that your answer is going to be pretty off topic. Don’t even begin speaking. Just. Shh.
9. The concept of ‘participation’ grades – I’m shy. I’m scared to sound as stupid as the rest of my peers. Or like a way-too-smart asshole (haha, actually this has never happened). Why do I have to participate? Please don’t make me. Mom!
10. Distractions. You always get super distracted if you don’t pay attention. This happens in lecture and in section. Sometimes I can only block out a kid’s confusing and wrong argument by playing “Let It Go” in my head over and over. Wow, actually I bet Elsa would be a really good T.A— this would be a great future article. But, I digress. See what section does to ya?

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