Go on, hit the communal Juul, don’t be a pussy. Look, everyone’s doing it. You see Matt over there? He has asthma. I don’t see him bitching out when someone hands him the Devil’s USB stick.
You’re always going on about being “one of the boys.” Well, if you really wanted to be one of the boys, you’d hit this here Juul, amigo. Okay, yeah, we’re in the middle of a pandemic (no duh, everyone brings their own dollar bill to snort Ritalin now) but we’re your pod mates, mate, which is really only one step from being Juul pod mates. Come on, I know you miss trading saliva particles with your bros. It’s the animal in you that wants it. You wanna be a lone wolf, bro? No, you don’t. This? This addiction gadget is the fabric holding this wolf pack together. Pay your dues, man. Time to share germs on the nicotine machine. *Aggressive crackling suction noise* Looook, dude, I blew some freakin’ rings. Hey wait, you haven’t even hit the robot cigarette yet…
No, we can’t each have our own crackle stick, are you nuts? That would defeat the whole point. Okay, well, it’s true, we are having trouble locating mint pods™ now that they’re illegal, but we’ve got these sweet licorice pods™ for another hour or two, ‘til they run out. You could be hitting Virginia Tobacco pods™ right now, so count your damn blessings.
Well fuck, it’s all uncharged now. Ayo Matty, pass the Juul charger. What? You don’t feel so good? Fever and cough and loss of taste and smell? Could be all that nic, dude… (he’s been hitting the Juul like a savage, bro)
Hey, where are you going?
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