Girl Talker,
First of all, I would like to assure you that this is not an uncommon experience. I’m sure many other readers have discovered that their international roommate is also closely related to ex-USSR Premier Mikhail Gorbachev. You are not alone; we are here with you. You came to the right place for good, honest advice.
You didn’t include how you acquired this sensitive information, and I honestly can’t even begin to guess. However you found out, I’ll give you three steps for how to deal:
Firstly, I suggest dropping casual remarks about the Soviet Union in your everyday interactions. If you’re unfamiliar with the political history of the USSR from the mid-19th century through the modern day, Brown has some Slavic Studies classes that would fit the bill: RUSS1820 on Dostoevsky, RUSS1540–Beyond the Kremlin, and RUSS1250–Russian Cinema should be good places to start. Your roommate will undoubtedly understand niche references and allusions you make to War and Peace. It is imperative that you read the actual book—yes, all 1,800 pages—as relying on Sparknotes will not provide the kind of cultural immersion necessary to connect with such a woman.
If she doesn’t acknowledge your learned allusions to her culture, you may want to invest in a few USSR flags to visually show your support for her family. This is best carried out as a surprise– order a huge USSR flag (linked for your convenience) and hang it out of your dorm-room window. Or steal one from somewhere else on campus. I think I saw one hanging out a Keeney window. I feel like they wouldn’t mind– that’s communism, right? Anyway, when your roommate comes home from a long day of classes, she’ll feel like you have brought part of her culture to Brown’s campus, almost as if she’s returning to her Great-Uncle Gorbachev’s house.
Finally, prepare some traditional USSR high-class culinary delights for her. As you may only have a dorm room microwave, I would suggest stocking up on some vodka.
Of course, discretion and diplomacy are essential to all these steps. You don’t want to come off as an ignorant, tactless American! And maybe, just maybe, your roommate will let you in on some juicy Soviet state secrets. Workers of the world, unite!
I hope this helps! For more advice, email helpmeohmygod@gmail.com.
Xoxo Ruth