Every time I visit the hallowed halls of Andrews Commons, I question all the stylistic choices that went into its interior decorating. It’s an assault on the tired, bleary eyes of many a student who wants nothing but a good pho brunch. I can only imagine what was on the shopping list for that fateful trip to the Center for Academically Institutional Dining Rooms.
Let’s go ahead and unpack this.
200 yards of Mystery Couch Fabric (selected from the clearance aisle):
The yellow hue clashes aggressively with the- well, just about everything in the room. That subtle greenish tint gives it a sallow chic quality, reminiscent of radioactive nuclear waste. And, of course, who could forget about that illegible lettering? Are they even letters? Numbers? Symbols invented by Ikea workers with way too much time on their hands? No one knows. Mysterious.
Fashionably Blurred Customizable Wall Photos:
Those photos of Pembroke quad. They could have chosen anything to put up on the walls. What about photos of brown bears? Photos of brown bears enjoying a steaming bowl of pho? Maybe abstract close-up shots of the bear statues, the pride and joy of campus? But, nope! Instead, “they” decided to put photos up of exactly what you would see if you took your lazy ass three steps outside of the Commons. Except at the least flattering angles possible. How dare they.
Faux-pillars, size: XXXL, color: dirty ivory:
These pillars were made for dining halls of significantly more luxury than Andrews Commons. You know, places that serve seared tuna steaks and tiny custom-made bruschetta. Unfortunately, Andrews is better known for cookie slices and coffee milk- both delicious, but not cosmopolitan enough for these columns.
Andrews Commons, I hold a special place for you in my heart. Quirks and all, you were my savior during those cold winter days of freshman year. Sure, your tables might be unreasonably close to the ground, forcing us to hunch down like gremlins when we eat. But it’s the quirks that make you what you are, right? Stay golden, Andrews.
Image via.
