So it’s happened. You start talking to a girl only to pick up a… no, it can’t be… is that an… an… accent different to your own? Oh, heavens. How will you possibly relate to her now, this human woman suddenly set worlds apart from your Westportian drawl? Before you stoop to the obvious, and remark at how incredibly intriguing it is that she says wOrTAh instead of water, maybe consider the following flirtation techniques, guaranteed to win any Brit’s heart.
1. Immediately start asserting the superiority of the U.S. Office over the British original.
Come on, dude. Maybe all that rain over in Britland has delivered one too much blows to this girl’s brain. Steve Carell is classic. She can’t seriously expect you to believe that a non-American made a funny one time? Tell her to give it up. On the outside, she may appear to be rolling her eyes, but down there? Niagara Falls, bro. Crushed it.
2. Tell her that you watch the British Baking Show.
Hold up a sec, this chick doesn’t know that I watched one show made in a country she sounds like she’s from one time? For real? Let her have it, dude. Tell her that the voices “just make it funnier”. On the outside, she may appear to be telling you that it’s “actually better known as the ‘Great British Bake-off’”, and that “by the way, it’s Britain or England. Not Britland”, but down there? Niagara fuckin Falls, bro. Killin’ the game.
3. Ask her about Brexit
She needs to know you care, dude. That you know who Theresa May is. If she sounds like she might be British, drop the Brexit bomb and watch her world suddenly rock. Ask what she voted for, too- as we all know, if the election isn’t American, it’s totally appropriate. For bonus points, tell her that you feel the effects just as much! After all, not only do you love camembert, but your family is Irish-American. On the outside, she may be all like “the Republic of Ireland isn’t a part of the UK. You do know that, right? What the UK is?”, but down there????? Niagara. Fuckin. Fallllllssssss my dude. You got it on lock.
4. Tell her all about that one time your cousin studied in London for a semester
Flirting is about making connections and finding common ground. So once this British babe knows all about how your second cousin Sandra studied abroad in London last Spring? You’re in, dude. Watch her resolve crumble as you let her know that Sandra thought the tube was dirty. Seriously, she’s dying for you to ask whether she might have run into Sandra at any point, too. On the outside, the object of your exotic, international flirtation may be like “I mean I don’t live in London… not all British people live in London, or even England”, but down there you know that it’s just chaos, bro. Carnage. Niagara Falls, like, fr. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what will.
5. Say ‘Do I have an accent to you??’
This is it, you guys. What’s that, you ask? That sound? Oh, it’s only the sound of language barriers melting, of bridges being built, of cultural difference resolving. It’s the sound of Niagarafuckingfallsbro. Whoooooooosh. On the outside, she may be all like “everyone has an accent, Peter” but, my man, she’s already figuring out the quickest way to get you back to her dorm. Wham bam thank you ma’am, this British babe is a done deal.
So dude, there you have it. If you get even a hint of an accent from any chick you’re tryna pick up, hit them with this listicle.
But be warned, despite the waterworks downstairs, these Brits seem to play hard-to-get (?) So, if these pick-up-lines don’t immediately work out for you, save them for a rainy day. They get plenty of those across the pond.
Ha. Weather joke. Classic.