Have you ever logged onto Facebook and noticed the trending topics on the side? Have you wondered where these random headlines even came from? Have you ever been confused by the vague descriptions of the current events? If you answered yes to all three of these questions, you’re not alone. With the advent of the Facebook trending topics, I no longer feel the need to look at real, credible sources of news. Instead my life is now filled with popular culture, memes, and other useless information.
I feel more educated nowadays with the random trending events that pop up on my newsfeed. But where do they come from? Well, just like babies, they are delivered by a stork. But it’s less of a stork and more like a complex algorithm that factors in your engagement, likes, and location on Facebook. So basically your personalized Facebook news is a reflection of who you really are deep down inside. What does this say about you as a person? It’s time to find out.
You gotta catch ‘em all. Let’s be real. In elementary school, Pokémon was the bomb. In high school, you were forced to pretend you were “too old” for it. And now that you’re in college, you’re free to express to your Pokémon-loving self completely free of judgment. Facebook has recognized this. It’s a sign that you’re back to your normal self. Show your true colors. Also, since when is Pokémon considered a roleplaying game?
Your political opinions are probably trash or you’re looking up too many articles bashing that creature into a ditch. Regardless, any time Donald “I am the only person who immediately walked out of my ‘Ali G’ interview” Trump (or anyone associated with the ) is mentioned in a major news outlet, it is a serious loss for all of humanity. It’s time you reevaluate your priorities and cleanse your newsfeed by getting rid of the garbage clogging it up. I’m telling you it’s okay to unfriend that annoying person from high school who won’t stop sharing their dumb opinions. Be like Shia Labeouf and just do it.
You need to find better memes. Seriously. I really get don’t this #DamnDaniel craze. How did he even made it on The Ellen Show? With the white Vans? Come on, Daniel, it’s after Labor Day, stop wearing white! Time to create a petition to bring back the doge and the Rick Roll. I miss the golden age of memes.
You need serious help. Actually, the entire Facebook community needs help. Why must we know this information? Is it going to change the history books or something? Also which historians are interested in Hitler’s genital issues? HOW IS THIS A REAL THING? I have so many concerns. Please send help.
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