Dorm Room Trick-or-Treating

 

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One fateful Sunday night in October, Halloween-Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve, my most devoted friends and I ventured out into the eerie, fluorescent dorm lighting on a mission to spread Halloween cheer and shamelessly beg for candy (or anything else people would be willing to part ways with). Dressed in half-assed costumes (I’m a mouse, duh) and equipped with nothing but CVS plastic bags, we weren’t the most impressive trick-or-treaters, but we made up for our shameless mascara whiskers with our boundless enthusiasm for getting free stuff.

We walked into “Hotel Andrews” expecting big things, particularly “King-Size” candy bars. Each room has private sinks, after all. This is prime real estate, the home of the Pembroke elite. It took a couple of doors slammed in my face until I realized that Halloween is dead and Andrews Hall killed it. The palpable awkwardness and general lack of Halloween spirit was unexpected, and perhaps a spooky reminder of peoples’ ability to be despondent in the face of joy (and silly costumes).

Not everyone was a Halloween Grinch. In fact, some people were surprisingly prepared and enthusiastic. (I’m looking at you, fake-spider-webs-girl! At least I hope those were fake…) Anyway, thanks to everyone who put up with our early Halloween shenanigans and generously gave us treats! As for the rest of you cold-hearted bastards, you’re in luck: I’ll probably be too busy reveling in my loot to actually trick you guys.

Food Treats:

1.  Cookies (3)
-Short bread from a box (1)
-Home-made (1)
-Oreo (1)
-Happy trick-or-treater (1)

2.  Reeses (4)
-YES.

3.  Dried banana chip (1; half eaten)
-So bourgeoise chic…

4.  Protein powder (4 oz.)
-Snorting a couple lines of protein powder gave me the strength to persevere after being mocked and rejected at multiple doors.

School Supply Treats:

5.  Pen (1; chewed)
-The bite marks add character!

6.  Pencil lead (1 pack)
-Tears will get you the good stuff.

Classic Dorm Crap Treats:

7.  Red solo cup (1; used)
-Sooo college, but, like, very practical and useful. If only there were a little something extra in there to keep me going…

8.  Condom (1; not used)
-Thanks, Resident Peer Leader!

9.  Ibuprofen (2 pills)
-I’m personally an Advil brand type of girl, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.

10.  Individual floss (1)
-This was very helpful with dislodging the Reese’s aluminum foil wrapper from between my molars.

Miscellaneous Item Treats:

11.  Insurance Card (1; politely declined)
-Honestly, wow.

12.  Tissue (1; used)
-Rude.

13.  Hello Kitty tattoo (1)
-Unfortunately, not permanent.

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