Elvis had his pelvis, Salvador Dalí had his mustache, and Moses had his burning bush. These icons changed history forever, but let me ask you this: Have any of them been on The Ellen Show?
American hero Daniel has been on Ellen. And he has white Vans.
For those of you leading a life of ignorance, I am talking about the star of the viral video series entitled “Damn, Daniel.” These videos chronicle the footwear choices of a teenage boy named (you guessed it) Daniel, and feature affirming, body-positive narration.
Every day, hundreds of people approach me to get my opinion on this sensation. They say, “Kayla, you have discerning taste in comedy and general common sense – surely you despise this memetrash?” Or, “You’ve lost all faith in society because these videos are pointless and some of the worst content on the Internet, right?” I chuckle whimsically and shake my head while making eye contact with every person in the crowd of hundreds. How wrong they are…
You see, I love “Damn, Daniel,” because I appreciate its deeper meaning. Please join me in unpacking this masterpiece.
Most people see the white Vans and think, “Those are white Vans.” While I see their point of view, I think it’s important to consider what the shoes represent. Upon thorough analysis, it becomes clear that the bland Vans symbolize the helplessness of Daniel’s peers. The shoes say, “This is a new Lost Generation comprised of impressionable youths. Like the shoes, today’s kids are no more than blank canvas.”
At the same time, the shoes spread a message of hope. Unencumbered by laces, the pristine shoes represent classic American optimism and endless possibilities. Young Daniel wears his philosophy on his feet, and therefore deserves profound respect. He is the hero we did not know we needed. Since his rise to fame, several survivors of near death experiences have realized that what they interpreted as a light at the end of a tunnel was merely the shine from Daniel’s heavenly, iridescent shoes.
And let’s not forget about the videos’ cinematographer and narrator! I have examined the videos time and again, and each time I fall more in love with his nuanced, South Park-sounding voice. After careful consideration of his high-pitched narration, I understand that he intended to convey a sense of urgency regarding the state of our nation. I mean, consider the subtext. Technically he only speaks two words, but he really says, “I fear the world is crumbling under the burden of consumerism, and honestly… We’re doomed unless we stop our endless acquisition of goods and services.”
It’s tempting to understand this meme as light-hearted – especially since it was remixed into a song – but we would be remiss to view it as anything less than a call to arms. So take up your white Vans* and stand behind Daniel!
*They will probably cost you hundreds of dollars… A small price to pay for change.
