So you met this new guy. It was at one of those impromptu jazz jams. Then you saw him again at your weekly Empower meeting. So you deduce that he’s musically inclined and that he cares about the environment. Sounds like a winning combination! Not to mention, he’s pretty witty and has beautiful green eyes. The next logical step is to exchange numbers. You end up texting bi-weekly for bouts of three hours a piece. As flirtation escalates and becomes increasingly forthright, you approach a crossroads: is this a crush or not?
This is how the story goes. The details may change, but the framework remains. This basic structure is the backbone of modern courtship. You meet, you flirt, and inevitably, you have a decision to make. You will reach a point where you can no longer dance coyly along the line dividing friendship and something more. And I seek to investigate exactly what happens in this moment. How exactly do we know if this opportunity is one to be passed up, or to be explored more thoroughly?
Well, my friends, here are some key signs that let you know you’re into him:
1. Every time your phone buzzes you jump a little, like Pavlov himself just tazed you in the stomach.
2. If your phone if isn’t buzzing, you can be damn sure you’ll be checking it every 7 seconds, just in case he responded while you blinked.
3. When you find yourself in the same room as him, you contort your body into various unnatural positions to showcase your best (ass)ets; walls and tables can be utilized for optimal angles.
4. He mentions he likes The Walking Dead. You have a few free hours. You watch half of the first season instead of taking that nap you needed so badly. Did I mention you hate zombies?
5. Now instead of a baby face and a terrible haircut, you see strong arms and a nice smile. And his style becomes less of a public blight and more a work in progress.
6. You saw him at Starbucks once, so now you stop in once before class, once around lunch, then a third time for good measure after dinner. He may not be there, but at least Bryan the Barista knows your order.
7. He could tell you that he is in a bowling league and wants you to join, or that he wants to be in the MLB while simultaneously singing in a bluegrass band, or that his brilliant money-making invention will be cigarette butts that turn into bushes when discarded — and all of that will sound perfectly great to you.
On the contrary, here are signs that maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie:
1. He has weird hands and he talks too much about whales and he doesn’t know how to play an instrument and the idea of kissing him makes your skin crawl and you hate his face and none of the above principles apply.
Y’all should feel free to reference this handy list throughout the course of your flirtatious adventures. If you are having trouble at the fork sifting through a thick “feeling stew,” I urge you to rely on this source in making your critical decision. My final words of advice: choose wisely and listen to your hearts!
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