I am from the Mid-Atlantic state of Maryland, where the weather cannot seem to pick a season for more than a couple of days at a time. This results in me having a fair sense of what both sweltering and freezing temperatures are like. I’m incredibly well-adapted, what can I say? Some of my peers, on the other hand, have dealt with very one-sided experiences of weather– from this comes a significant proportion of the Brown community who CANNOT handle a temperature below 50, and another who would probably sweat themselves to death in anything above that.
Since Providence is a chilly place– this is a fact @ my polar bear classmates who would argue otherwise!!!– cold-adapted Brunonians naturally hold a position of power, so to speak. Their ability to not find Providence winters abominable allows them to mock anybody who does.
I’ll join in on the fun past time of laughing and poking fun at the Canadian Geese flocks just as much as anyone else, but despite the impracticality of wearing 64 days’ worth of meal swipes on your back, at least these coats have cold-weather practicality. I mean nobody is walking around in a sweater tube like this:
(Granted, I guess cold-weather fiends find any parka as absurd as this tube???)
People from Northern states don’t stop at just mocking—they seem to have some unspoken competition for who can be the least affected by the cold. As people walk around in parkas and full cold weather gear, others parade in shorts, short-sleeves, and believe it or not, the occasional flip-flops. Some even think 10-degree weather is the perfect time to sip on a smoothie—foolish!!
Honestly, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS??? Do you think this is the 1800s and your bare ankles are an immense turn-on???? In case your answer to that was yes, they are not, and for your own safety, please put on some pants—unless you eternally want to be like that bizarre 4th grader who insists on wearing shorts every day of the year (I know you know who I’m referring to).
Northerners, however, find it inadequate to solely react in irrational ways to the cold. They also feel compelled to patronize anyone who is sensible about cold weather. In response to any sort of voiced concern about being cold they fire back with: “Oh you’re cold? That’s so cute!” It’s 15-degrees, Tiffany, it’s PRETTY damn cold.
And when these people don’t join in on igloo- or snowman- building because that’s “so silly” or they’ve “done it too many times growing up” all they’re doing is giving up on an incredible opportunity to foster engineering skills while also pretending you are a 7-year-old whose biggest concern is not the calc midterm you have next week, but rather, getting picked last for kickball.
So, despite how irritating these Northerners can be, I remind myself, anyone who wears a coat, and particularly my friends from Miami: these people are just hurting themselves. The perpetual goosebumps on their legs cannot be fun, and the homework they’re doing in lieu of playing in the snow most definitely is not fun, either. Let’s just wait for those nice fiery hot months of early spring in Providence to laugh condescendingly as they sweat: “Oh you’re warm? That’s so cute!”
*Popularity is just a social construct.
big fan, great things :*