I’ll admit it, I’ve fallen prey to the appeal of dating apps. I had Tinder downloaded with the excuse “It’s just for fun I swear! I don’t actually want to meet any of these people!” *Insert the sweating/smiling/nervous emoji.* Fine, yes, I was caving into the idea of the freedom to explore new things in college. But truthfully nothing was really clicking until him.
To start, he was tall, handsome… qualities one might think of when considering the term Greek God. And he was nice, witty, not a single red flag. When I tell y’all I fell head over heels. Who wouldn’t? But I should have known it was too good to be true, I mean he is a Brown University male athlete and this is Tinder. The combination of the two is guaranteed trouble.
Anyway, we went on a date to Jo’s (so romantic, he got my ketchup for me and everything), then proceeded to tell me about his Greek Mythology class. Apparently, he was really getting into myths and ancient philosophy and how modern mindsets were generated from the past. It was kind of cute how animated he got about it, like yes tell me more about the myth of Oedipus! And how Freud drew on that story to make his own ideas about human nature! Ooh, how fascinating.
We went back to his dorm (because, you know, Tinder). Before anything got too hot and heavy, though, he sighed and looked me in the eyes. He cupped my head, staring deep into my orbs (channeling my inner Wattpad fanfic), and in a deep, velvety baritone said, “You are so much hotter than my step-sister.”
Pause. I was frozen like one of Medusa’s statues or those new ice cream bars at the VDub attempting to process what this man had just said. He leaned in next to my ear, “And you remind me of my mom,” followed by the classic lip bite and then the lean-in for a kiss.
I could literally hear Freud cackling in his grave.
I left and have since deleted Tinder. If there is anything I learned from the experience it’s this:
- Don’t use dating apps. If they seem too good to be true online, they probably are.
- The Brown Classics department has a very immersive curriculum. Good for them.