Let’s take a political poll of sorts. Please raise your hand if you’re a fan of Chris Christie. Okay. Now put your hand down if you thought I said “Rice Krispies.” “Cookie Crisp,” too, please. Good. Now keep your hand up if you’re from New Jersey. If you are not currently raising your hand, get the hell out. No one cares about your opinion now that Christie’s not running for president anymore. Chris Christie is ours and ours alone. At this point in our poll, I’d say there are probably very few people raising their hands in support of this man, a fine governor of an even finer state. So I’m going to offer a controversial opinion, here, everyone. Please hold on to your hats.
I’m a fan of Chris Christie. No, let’s rephrase that for accuracy. I’m a big fan of Chris Christie. I might even say I’m his biggest fan, but I don’t want to get carried away. Sure, his politics are abysmal and he would probably hate me if he met me – I am a college-aged female liberal, after all. But I think Chris Christie is the man. Yeah, sure, I’m a Democrat and he’s a staunch Republican. He’s verbally abusive to the people of New Jersey. And not to mention that he cut the budget for our schools by millions of dollars (plus probably did a lot of shit that I don’t agree with – but who has the time to keep track of state politics?). In the end, do I respect him? Sure, maybe a little. And would I get a drink with him? You bet your ass I would.
I’m a Jersey girl. At this point, you’re probably making some assumptions about my personality, and you’re probably completely right. I’m aggressive (both on the road and in social interactions), talk with an ambiguous accent, love the word “fuckin'” and I look like Snooki. Just check me out:
Because I’m the quintessential Jersey girl, there is nothing I enjoy more than some good old-fashioned antics. If I had to rank my favorite antics, I think Chris Christie press conferences would be at the top of the list (right above a fist fight on the Wildwood boardwalk). Chris Christie is my favorite politician solely for his press conferences. Let me take you back to a personal favorite of mine, which was on the eve of Hurricane Sandy:
He’s obviously concerned for the safety of his citizens – why else would he yell at them like a disgruntled neighbor? Thanks for looking out for us, Papa Chris. You’re my favorite man whose name sounds like a Girl Scout Cookie. You’re my special valentine. And this next one, from the campaign trail:
Isn’t he charming? You have to love an honest man. He’s harder-working and more candy-coated than a Keebler Elf. And he keeps a clean house! Any man who offers to bring a mop down to help clean is the man for me. It’s shocking he didn’t make it farther in the presidential race. And look at his incredible debate performance:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJN485hImsc&t=1m2s]
There is no man more fit to run the state of New Jersey than this asshole. He pulled some Sopranos-style shit in Fort Lee, yelled at a school teacher for being concerned about his job, and preserved the central tenant of living in New Jersey: being absolutely unbearable. Chris Christie, if you’re reading this, holla at me New Jersey-style so we can grab a beer and tell people to “fuck off” in perfect unison.
Xoxo.
