I would say that I had a pretty average childhood. I could read and write and tie my shoes at respectable ages, and I sometimes even managed to talk to other kids my age. This always seemed adequate to me, but recently I began to regret that I wasn’t a more dazzling toddler, one who amazed the world with my talents.
I think these feelings have been brewing in me for a while, but I first really felt ashamed of my trite childhood while watching clips from The Ellen Show the other day. In this particular clip, Ellen DeGeneres was interviewing a 5-year-old who was showing off her knowledge about U.S. presidents. Early on in the interview, DeGeneres mentions that the girl has a song she uses to remember the presidents, and I was like “Oh, okay, anyone can use a song to help them remember things. No big deal.” But this song was actually just the little girl singing the names of the presidents in a row. It’s sort of like that song with all of the state names listed in alphabetical order. It’s supposed to help students remember the states, but who are we kidding? If you don’t already know the names, the song probably isn’t going to help much. “Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Kentucky, Tennessee, New Mexico…” So this girl actually knew all of their names, could recognize their faces on flash cards, and could rattle off their wives’ names, their vice-presidents, and a number of fun facts about each. Plus she was cute. I’m not sure I could even remember all the colors of the rainbow when I was five.
And these child prodigies have got me beat in more than just memorization. There are kids who can dance like pros, kids who can do magic, and kids who can sing like mini pop stars. I can still remember watching Jackie Evancho, the 10-year-old opera singer, belt it out on America’s Got Talent. My grandparents were blown away by her talent, and I was just like, “Hey, I didn’t spill food on myself at dinner tonight. Isn’t that great?” Nope, they weren’t impressed. And it’s all because these gosh darn child prodigies have made it their goal to make life more difficult for the rest of us mere mortals.
But it would make life more exciting to be a child prodigy, don’t you think? It’s sort of like how I’d really like to be in the Guinness Book of World Records someday, even if it’s for some bizarre reason that I maybe shouldn’t bring up during job interviews. Being a child prodigy, however, would definitely be worth bringing up. Think how great it would have been to be able to say “Do you remember that kid who could play the violin with her toes? I was that kid!” in a college interview. Pretty sure no school could have turned me away with a brilliant past like that.
Even as I’ve grown up, I haven’t had to give up my dream of becoming an internet sensation or a talent show phenomenon because there’s still pressure from superstars my own age. They may too old to be called child prodigies, but they’ve still accomplished pretty impressive things for their age. When Lorde made her big break, for example, my darling father couldn’t help but point out that she was only sixteen. Sigh. How could I compete with her when I was just trying to survive high school?
Then again, surviving high school is actually a pretty big accomplishment. And maybe not winding up on YouTube or The Ellen Show is actually an accomplishment too, because I get to walk down the street without everyone asking me to sing anything for them, or rattle off the presidents, or autograph their stomachs. Also, there isn’t a painfully awkward interview between me and a reporter immortalized on the internet for people to watch as often as they would like. Evan O’Dorney, a 2007 spelling bee champ, was not so lucky, and watching his interview reminded me that just because someone is an amazing speller or singer, it doesn’t mean that they are a better or more competent person. They probably have flaws too, and living in the spotlight means that the rest of the world gets to watch. So while I probably won’t rush to hide any special talents I might develop in the future–if I ever manage to touch my toes, the whole world is gonna hear about it–for right now I’m pretty happy just being little old me.
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