Valentine’s and Data Mines
Do you feel like your significant other doesn’t fully understand you? Do you want to be with someone who knows you automatically, and doesn’t ask...
Shopping Period: A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Story
Welcome to Shopping Period. You wake up in the middle of an unfamiliar lecture hall. The professor, an older man wearing a sweater with elbow...
Dr. Ben Carson Explains
My Dearest American People, It has come to my attention that many members of the mainstream media are calling my delayed entrance to the Republican...
A Star is Born
Even though I’m a celebrity now, I’m still the same old Allie Greenberg. My career has taken off after my breakout interview with WJAR NBC...
What CareerLAB Won’t Tell You: Cover Letters
Internship application season is in full swing, and it’s hitting me harder than the poignant final moments of the High School Musical franchise. (Don’t tell...
Sitting with Fitbit
by Emily Adams Why should you Fitbit? Stop asking such a nonsensical, moronical, inconceivable question and start asking, why should you not Fitbit? With such a...
Milk, Bread, and Netflix
I’m a typical Long Islander. I have a terrible accent, I fold my pizza in half when I eat it, and I know how to...
On Being a New Yorker
I worked in a fancy midtown office for two weeks. I did not get paid for my work, and I commuted in from New Jersey...
Happy New Year, Time is a Social Construct!
Hey! It’s me, Jaded College Sophomore! I spent my vacation rereading my coffee-stained copy of Sartre. Just in case you were wondering, I drink my...
Realistic Horoscopes
Aquarius – Remember the guy who made fun of you in middle school? Well let me tell you Aquarius, you are in luck. This month,...