An Open Letter to Kindred Suckers for Smucker’s (Uncrustables)
Dear Fellow Fan of Smucker’s Uncrustables Sandwiches, No one ever said having this whimsical of a snack preference in college would be easy.
Catfished: Lumiere Was Hotter as a Candle
Beauty and the Beast is a controversial children’s movie about Stockholm Syndrome where man lies with man, woman lies with beast, and inanimate objects lie...
Mark Zuckerberg PLEASE READ
Hey Mark Zuckerberg! How’s it going? Is life treating you nicely? I bet it is, since you created Facebook and everything. You can seriously do...
Nope, Haven’t Seen It: Grease
My defining characteristics have always been the following: I’m 5’7, I hate mayonnaise, and I haven’t seen Grease. I’ve been running away from the movie...
Conning Google AdChoices into Thinking I’m a Saucy Woman that Can Seduce Paul Ryan.
Google AdChoices isn’t about who you are, it’s about who you want to be. And I want to be a saucy woman that can seduce...
On Unrealistic Abroad Flings: A Side-by-Side Comparison to the Lizzie McGuire Movie
If you are a female ages 19-25, then you were (hopefully) a die-hard Lizzie McGuire fan. You strived to have Lizzie’s wardrobe, a best friend...
We Know What Kind of Rich People Sex You Have Based on Your Canada Goose Jacket
Don’t ask how; we just ~know~ PBI Chilliwack Bomber: Uninspired cowgirl after he’s had a long day out on the yacht. Chelsea Parka: Some spontaneous...
A Valentine’s Day Card for the Guy You’re Kind of with but Not Really Sure???
2.14.17 Dear Dan, I know we aren’t like, together together, and we don’t have a label on it—not that “it” is really anything at all,...
If I Were The Bachelorette
It is a truth universally acknowledged that every year one man and one woman must sacrifice themselves to satiate the network gods at ABC by becoming...
7 Ways to Celebrate Galentine’s Day – Comic
Images via Sarah Clapp.