The Illusion of Workout Clothes
After eight years of wearing a uniform to school, I now struggle with the concept of “picking out an outfit” for class. Back then, it...
What are Women Really Thinking?
Guys, you may think you understand women, but you don’t. Don’t fool yourself. The truth is, you really have no idea. We’re complicated, cryptic creatures....
You Make Me Feel Like I’m Living A Teen Mom Dream
The first time I had a pregnancy dream, I was in eighth grade. It went down like this: I was sitting on the field outside...
Free the Bra
It’s dinnertime, and my family is casually sitting at the table when my dad interrupts the conversation for a breaking announcement. “I have a million-dollar...
A Recipe for the Perfect Millennial Woman
Here’s how you make her. It shouldn’t be too hard – the ingredients aren’t particularly hard to come by. 3/4 of a share in an eco-friendly...
What Women Want: More Accurate Jeopardy! Answers
This past Monday, beloved dinnertime game show Jeopardy! included a category entitled “What Women Want.” Rather than address legitimate necessities, however, it emphasized our fragile...
Tampon Shaming is the New Black
Over the summer I was hustling to CVS on a mission for tampons. I proudly strutted to the “feminine care” aisle and chose the cutest,...
The Never-Mentioned Pros of Long Distance
It’s an all-too-common scene. Innocent girl discloses her relationship status to a friend – “Yeah, we’re doing the long distance thing” – and immediately gets...
This Is What Happens When You Decide to Wax Your Armpits
There have been many moments in which it begins to haunt you. You Nair them an hour and a half before your Bat Mitzvah...
The Detachable Penis
After an endless week, I had finally made it to the weekend. I staggered to my room, collapsed into a chair, and dumped the contents...