How I Spent My Spring Break
Okay, so here’s what happened. Ryan and his brother Trey got busted for trying to steal a car. Because Ryan was still a minor, a...
Catfished: Lumiere Was Hotter as a Candle
Beauty and the Beast is a controversial children’s movie about Stockholm Syndrome where man lies with man, woman lies with beast, and inanimate objects lie...
Junglepussy: An Abbreviated Personal Listening Guide
Growing up, I was immersed in a culture that values romantic love in a highly exalted sense. I watched wedding themed shows on TLC such...
Mark Zuckerberg PLEASE READ
Hey Mark Zuckerberg! How’s it going? Is life treating you nicely? I bet it is, since you created Facebook and everything. You can seriously do...
A Gynography of the Everygirl (If Every Girl is Just Like Me)
Hey public school younguns, remember that day in eighth grade health class when they rolled out the projector and sat us down and scarred us...
Nope, Haven’t Seen It: Grease
My defining characteristics have always been the following: I’m 5’7, I hate mayonnaise, and I haven’t seen Grease. I’ve been running away from the movie...
How Likely Are You to Acknowledge the F*cking Lifeguard?
They see you, but do you see them? Turns out the likelihood that you are aware of the lifeguard is in fact a function of...
Conning Google AdChoices into Thinking I’m a Saucy Woman that Can Seduce Paul Ryan.
Google AdChoices isn’t about who you are, it’s about who you want to be. And I want to be a saucy woman that can seduce...
A List of Very Specific Brown Bears Admirers Submissions Clearly About Me
To the girl singing “Bennie and the Jets” in the Perkins ground floor shower like an Elton John impersonator who has had too much to...
On Unrealistic Abroad Flings: A Side-by-Side Comparison to the Lizzie McGuire Movie
If you are a female ages 19-25, then you were (hopefully) a die-hard Lizzie McGuire fan. You strived to have Lizzie’s wardrobe, a best friend...