We are slowly creeping towards Week 6 of the semester, which can only mean one thing: show weeks are upon us. After one and a half years of the Covid-19 pandemic, Brown theatre reared its silly little head last semester and reminded us all why we make fun of theatre kids. Well, they’re back again this Spring for another dose of drama, insane ticket lines, and excessive hot drink consumption. I, for one, am so ready to see 16 people who were all the leads of their high school shows jostle for the spotlight in a self-professed ‘ensemble musical’.
But theatre is so much more than just another safe space for self-absorbed individuals to shine. Only joking! Of course it isn’t, and Brown theatre is no exception. We’ve already (thank God) survived the audition process in which tears and tantrums abounded, and the callback process in which everyone aggressively befriended everyone else while sizing up if they could out-sing them, but the shows are still on the horizon. Read on for tips and tricks on how to successfully navigate the next few weeks of performances.
1. Remember: everything is Rent musical theatre
Ever since my school Troy Boltoned me by forcing me to choose between my spot on the lacrosse team and my role as ‘Jet Boy Number 2’ in West Side Story, I have devoted myself to my craft and never looked back. In the run up to the show, I will eat, sleep, and breathe musical theatre. Do not ask me about anything else in my life and please indulge me when I complain about rehearsals/my costume/other cast members/all of the above.
2. If you hear harmonising outside, run
“OMGGGG WE CLEARLY AREN’T WARMED UP AHAHAHA THAT NOTE IS SO OUT OF MY RANGE YOU KNOW I’M NOT A SOPRANO OK LET’S DO IT AGAIN.”
Do you appreciate how with acapella arch sings, we get sufficient warning and time to evacuate the premises? Yeah? With theatre kids, it’s a whole different story. We are always ready to go with an ambitious harmony and will be loud about it because we live to be seen and heard.
3. Enjoy the surplus of dairy products on this campus
If there is suddenly an abundance of milk and butter in the dining halls DO NOT PANIC. Dairy, as we all know, wreaks havoc on our precious little vocal cords. Don’t be surprised if you see manic thespians sprinting around the Ratty in search of lactose-free food: cheese will literally ruin our voices. This is no joke.
Also don’t be surprised if your quirky theatre friends go on ‘vocal rest’ three months before opening night. I will scream the words to 212 (Azaelia Banks ft Lazy Jay) at a frat party but will rely on mime and my Notes app to communicate the simplest of ideas to everyone else. I will speak/sing if and when it helps my personal brand.
4. Get your tickets quick
If those crazy little actors tell you to buy your tickets at 5pm, be ready to go at 4. The ticket lines are insanely long (further proof that Brown’s party scene is simply not doing the work) so, unless the idea of sitting around in the Granoff lobby on a Sunday afternoon when you could be doing literally anything else makes your toes tingle with excitement, get your seats early online.
5. Secure an invite to any and all cast parties
We’re theatre kids! No one’s getting any! As a result, an incestuous little bubble forms in the theatre community and people get passed around like cigarettes when you’re three drinks in. Cast romances and dramas abound. Sneak into every cast party you can to see tears, vomit, and – if you’re lucky – more harmonising.
6. Brace yourself for the Instagram posts
These people will be my best friends for life. We will continue to interact constantly and no we will not avoid eye contact in the mail room a mere month after swearing our undying love for each other. Our friendship is for life and my followers/fans must know. Thank you.
Once you’ve survived this semester of theatre, spend the summer detoxing and preparing for next Fall. Listen to normal music on Spotify, avoid consuming media on the Wicked movie, and keep your fingers crossed that no one puts ‘Into the Woods’ on again. Together, we can get out of the woods.