Feeling sad today, my friends? But also, a little bit scholarly? Up your crying game by working those tear ducts at one of Brown’s campus’ many libraries. Not sure which of these book-filled havens you should choose to spend the next three hours weeping about post-grad insecurity, lack of romantic and sexual fulfillment, and overall depression? Don’t worry about it, kid. Sit back. Take our quiz. Take some more of our quizzes. Let us help you find your special sobbing sanctuary.
- When was the last time you cried about an exam or midterm?
- Earlier this week
- I let out a single tear when I got my exam score back
- I haven’t cried in fifteen years
- I’m crying right now
- I cried before it was Cool™
- What’s your concentration?
- Anthropology/English/History/Ethnic Studies/etc.
- It changes everyday
- I’m PLME
- TAPs/Literary Arts/Visual Arts
- You wouldn’t even begin to understand the complexity of my concentration*
- Where can you be found on a Friday night?
- Probably at the GCB with my good good pals
- Either Colosseum or in bed or lying on the main green having an existential crisis
- In the lab, shoving some science up my butt
- Getting too drunk at a party and trying to half-heartedly grind up on a stranger in order to Feel Something Inside For Once
- On another plane of existence (do we really even exist on this plane?)
- What’s your dining hall of choice?
- The Ratty! #RatPack
- V-Dub for Chicken Finger Fridays, but usually the Ratty except when Jo’s is making quesadillas
- I derive sustenance off of my sheer intellect
- Love me some Ivy Room smoothies!
- Poppy’s. Ever heard of it?
- What’s your favorite Brown statue?
- Blueno!
- Tin Foil Children (the exact child varies)
- Fake Rock Tree. I’m convinced it’s a real tree though.
- Anal Bead fountain
- The Pembroke Seal. I’m edgy like that.
*this is code for “I’m doing an independent concentration and it’s too interdisciplinary for even me to understand”
If you picked mostly 1’s you should cry in: THE ROCK
You seem to be a perfectly Nice and Normal Brown student. Nothing wrong with that! So here is a Perfectly Swell and Standard library for you to cry in. I would recommend the perfectly Nice and Normal Stacks. Or the Simply Pleasant Rock Cafe. Maybe the Absolutely Quiet (and Delightful) Room is the place for your tears to find a new home.
If you picked mostly 2’s you should cry in the: MEMORIAL ROOM BOOK EXCHANGE
You’ve always got places to be, you don’t have time to have a full on cry! Time is money you know, there’s only so much time to cry. This mini-library is perfect for those criers that are constantly on the move and are interested only in weeping in unpredictable, short bursts.
If you picked mostly 3’s you should cry in the: SCI LI
“Meep morp, I am an unemotional PLME robot” — you, probably. When you finally get around to dusting off the old circuits and gears and realize your tear caches are overflowing and need to be released, the Friedman Center will be the perfect outlet for you. Or maybe the Science Center, where your fellow stem brethren will be there to support your emotionally repressed ass.
If you picked mostly 4’s you should cry in the: JOHN CARTER BROWN LIBRARY
You are definitely an overemotional masochist art kid that cries every single goddamn day and LOVES it. You find it so nourishing to just have a big ol’ wail, and you crave that attention. The John Carter is perfect for you because there’s no way you’ll be able to cry in their without immediately catching someone’s attention (and getting kicked out).
If you picked mostly 5’s you should cry in: THE KIM KOO
Heard of it? Hah! Doubt it. Only the most artisanal of criers are meant to study in this rarely sought after Watson Library. Perfect for the more pretentious students of our already elitist study body, no one will ever find you and your dying dreams and aspirations here.
If you picked a MIX of all the options: Just cry everywhere. Our world is in shambles.
