bitchin’ [bit-chin] adj. Not just great, but bad-ass fine.
–The Zootramp of Urban Dictionary
I have noticed a pattern on this campus – nay, across this whole country – that deeply saddens me, and that is that no one uses the word “bitchin’” anymore. I feel like I woke up one morning, and everyone in the world had received an email with the message, “word ‘bitchin’’out of commission,” and I accidentally deleted it while frantically trying to shut off my alarm. Or maybe no one besides Avril Lavigne ever really said “bitchin’” anyway and I am just now realizing it, but same diff. I can’t remember the last time the word graced my ears in reference to a sick hoagie combo, or a remarkable thrift store find (extra shoulder pads!). Also, people have started giving me weird looks when I say it. As a result of this void, I’ve noticed that life has become joyless, mundane, and generally lacking in zest. I believe it was my wise grandmother who once told me that I should be the change I wish to see in the world, so here are 7 reasons why you should bring back “bitchin’”:
- “Bitchin’” can be said with multiple inflections and is applicable in an almost infinite range of scenarios! For instance:
“That outfit is bitchin’!”
“You just got an internship? Bitchin’!”
“Whoah, Colette found a whole strawberry in her BBC milkshake?? Tres bitchin’…” - Saying “bitchin’” is like, you don’ evn’ care! You’re just hangin’ out, wearing a leather jacket, you’re no hero, but maybe you are; the world is just “bitchin’” to you and nothing else really matters.
- Sex appeal. ‘Nuff said.
- Your mom will gasp a little the first time she hears you say it, but won’t say anything because you sound so damn cool. She’ll tuck that little gem away and later use it in front of all her friends.
- You totally have the power here to take back a word whose alternate forms are now primarily used to insult someone exhibiting negative female gendered characteristics. Erase that negative connotation by replacing it with a positive, and all future/potentially sexist name-calling becomes a benign, even complementary reminder of your greatness! You can do it! We can do it! “Oh you think I’m a bitch? Well I’m not upset at all ‘cause I’m filled with only incredibly joyous feelings at the mention of that word! Bye Felicia!”
- Amy Poehler uses it all the time. She told me. She and Tina like to say it back and forth to each other as a kind of acting exercise because it excites the mouth.
- Putin does not like to say “bitchin’.” That old leathery racist guy who used to own a basketball team doesn’t like it either. Taylor Hicks has never said it and he has had zero success since American Idol ended. Don’t be like these guys!
HAVE A BITCHIN’ DAY!
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