Last weekend, I caved and went to see Avatar: The Way of Water – the three hour and 12-minute (indeed) follow up to Avatar – in theatres. Having seen Cocaine Bear the previous week, I jangled into Screen 9 of Providence Palace’s first-rate cinema armed with 3D glasses, popcorn drenched in butter, and lofty expectations for part deux of James Cameron’s ‘masterpiece’.
The film was fine. It was extremely long (the final 12 minutes in particular felt like a slap in the face), it’s apparently a feat of CGI, and Kate Winslet was in it, which you wouldn’t know because the special effects team did everything in their power to make her not look like Kate Winslet at all.
But that’s not why we’re here.
We are here, dear reader, to talk about the film’s obvious similarities with – and, dare I say it, plagiarism of – the 2006 cinematic masterpiece Barbie: Mermaidia.
I know what you’re thinking. ‘Hey, Mia, I haven’t seen Barbie: Mermaidia because I spent time outdoors as a child, playing pick-up sports and starting fires’. If that sounds like you, stop reading now and spend the next hour and 25 minutes (a normal length of time for a film) watching Elina the Flower Fairy transform into a mermaid to rescue her friend from the clutches of Laverna, an evil fairy and the person I want to be when I grow up. The world-building and character development are second to none.
If you are one of what I can only assume is a handful of people who have seen both films, you’ll know what I’m talking about. For those less cultured, I’ll bring you up to speed on the parts of Barbie Mermaidia that James Cameron clearly poached for his own film.
For starters, the plot is the same. Both films focus on people who belong in land having to quickly adapt to life in the ocean. Said people eventually learn to love swimming and engage in minutes-long sequences of happy frolicking in the (way of) water. The visuals are gorg in both, but Barbie: Mermaidia got there first. The characters (namely unfriendly but hot water people who eventually save the day) are also the same.
Sure, Avatar: The Way of Water opened to mass acclaim, smashed box office records, and now has an Oscar. But what does Barbie: Mermaidia have that Avatar: The Way of Water doesn’t? First, a much smaller budget. I don’t know what James Cameron was spending all that moolah on, but he missed a trick not asking the Barbie: Mermaidia team how to budget effectively first. Barbie: Mermaidia also benefitted from not having a glaring military presence, instead substituting soldiers for a puffball called Bibble who eats something I can only assume is a hallucinogen and can suddenly sing like Pavarotti. Intrigued, aren’t you?
To conclude, I don’t know why they bothered making a second Avatar when The Smurfs already dominated the blue creatures movie genre back in 2011. My time was wasted, the American people were duped, and James Cameron will pay for his crimes.