Whilst researching the most overlooked and underrepresented group at Brown—athletes, of course—I found among the consistently rotating, super-flattering Nike athletic shirts, there was one that really stood out to me: “8 Against Hate”. Of course, this means the athletes of the eight Ivy League schools are against hate. Having personally witnessed multiple athletes scream the R-slur (while simultaneously taking PHP1680: Pathology to Power: Disability, Health and Community) and having been called a bitch by one myself, I decided there was some investigative journalism to be had.
I began by interviewing somebody on the men’s ice basketball team about the shirts. While looking up and down from changing his Hinge bio to “Hot take: I actually love pineapple on pizza,” he said: “Oh I’ve always been an advocate against hate. When my bro got rejected by this bitch because she thought he was ‘too aggressive,’ I called her a fucking whore because I stand up against hate toward people with anger issues. I love men’s mental health—I didn’t shave anywhere for November, so I’m kind of men’s biggest advocate.” Gross.
I moved on to the men’s balloon-animal-blowing team. I asked one of the teammates for his thoughts on the shirt: “I don’t stand for ex-cee-nophobia” he carefully mispronounced, as he glanced at his note in his notes app titled “Script from Schwartz & Andrews LLP – Title IX violation”. He asked me if I was writing a piece on the epic highs and lows of college sports, to which I replied, “Sure”. He responded, “No like, I totally support female writers. My favorite feminist author has got to be J.K. Rowling.”
I tried to ask a Mud Polo player about his opinions on the shirt, but he almost ran me over as he scootered at lightning speed to get ahead of me in line for an Andrews burrito bowl.
When I asked an athlete on Brown’s Indoor Surfing team about the slogan, he stated: “I thought the shirt meant that we were against hate towards athletes. Like, we really have it the worst. My bro’s dad only donated $1.6 million to the team this semester, so now we can’t do our annual ‘Dress as your favorite minority’ party. I already bought a kimono and everything.”
I interviewed an athlete on the women’s volleyball team, and she said “I don’t wear that fugly shirt.” Fair enough.
In conclusion, the shirt is just an empty lie sponsored by Brown and other Ivy Leagues to try to make themselves look good. Sound familiar?