Just when I thought all my dental problems were over, another issue arises. Despite the fact that I had braces six times, my teeth, like my cellulite, are not willing to work with me. For those unfamiliar with the whole story behind my never-ending tooth drama, please click this link for reference.
Now that you are all caught up, here are some new developments: my parents are not happy with the fact that my two front teeth drastically protrude out of my mouth. I think it gives me character – they think it makes me look like Bugs Bunny. We agree to disagree. However, they are determined to fix this problem. They haven’t spent six years worth on orthodontics just to end up with a (cute and incredibly charming) rabbit for a daughter.
So, my parents thought it would be best if I left school a day before spring break to make a little trip to a facial plastic surgeon’s office for a consultation. After I shook the surgeon’s hand and took a seat in his office with my parents, he took a good, long look at my face. He was staring so intensely I felt uncomfortable, so I dazzled him with my best Allie smile. The smile quickly faded once I got the news, which is that I have a recessive jaw.
“Recessive jaw?” my parents and I asked all at once.
The surgeon, completely serious, nodded and said, “Well yeah, that’s why you have that double chin.”
Everything went quiet and my vision started to get blurry. I immediately regretted the five rolls of sushi I ate prior to this appointment. This man just indirectly called me fat. And to make things worse, I have a double chin all because of my facial structure! I mean, I always thought I had a weak chin, but my mother always told me I was being ridiculous. People might as well start calling me 2 Chinz.
The only solution to get rid of my excess chins is reconstructive jaw surgery, but ONLY if I have sleep apnea. The surgeon asked me if I snore at night. I do. He then asked me if I’m tired during the day. I’m always tired. Not only are these common amongst college students, but also, apparently, they were signs of sleep apnea! So the surgeon suggested I take a sleep study to find out. I was willing to participate in the sleep study and get reconstructive jaw surgery if needed, for the sake of my jawline health and well-being.
While I was still panicking and incessantly pulling at my neck fat to see how I would look with a facelift in the mirror, my parents felt the need to remind the surgeon for the real reason behind our visit – my teeth.
“Oh yeah, just take out her fake teeth and re-brace her to pull all the teeth forward. Her teeth shouldn’t flare then,” he responded.
There was silence amongst the Greenberg family. “That’s it?” my parents wondered aloud.
At that point, I was pretty sure this was all a joke. I couldn’t fathom the idea of having braces for the seventh time. Or that I would have them in my twenties. Most likely, the surgeon and my parents are working together to ensure that I remain single for the rest of my life. I always knew my teeth weren’t the best and that braces were perhaps a very distant possibility. But I had no idea I’d been living my life with a double chin. It’s a flaw I failed to add to my very extensive list of Things I Need To Improve On.
Now the surgeon has me worrying about all the other flaws I could possibly have and never know about! Maybe my eyes aren’t perfectly aligned, thus I don’t have perfect symmetry. Or maybe my left butt cheek is lopsided and has always looked terrible in yoga pants.
I have to realize though: who cares if one facial plastic surgeon thinks I have a double chin? And if I do (please tell me that I don’t when you see me), so what? Even though it is going to take every ounce of strength in my body to accept this painful reality, I am going to rock my braces… and my recessive jaw.
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