Ah, mid-March. Every good Catholic’s (or alcoholic’s) favorite time of year. The air has warmed just enough that skating is out of the question, but not quite enough for you “free-thinkers” to set up your hammocks and Spikeball on the green. You’re ready for the season of sun, fun, and darties. You know what that means. It’s time to reclaim your Irish.
It’s been a long year of being American. Our political landscape is more divided than ever before. Our food is getting more expensive, while somehow also getting less nutritious and tasting more like cardboard. Friends and family overseas still send us the occasional Donald Trump meme to keep us humble. Your friends from high school with dual-citizenship are off in the Czech Republic or Canada or Mexico or South Korea or the Netherlands for uni and probably paying a lot less than you are. Thankfully, this weekend, we’re all a little bit Irish. And even if you’re not, that’s ok. Just lie!
“We don’t reaaaalllly know that she was Irish, per se,” says one IAPA concentrator in a neon green miniskirt outside Jo’s at 2 am on Friday, March 17, referring to her great-great-great-grandmother Katarzyna. “She came over through Ellis Island in the late 1800s when a lot of, like, Irish people did, so it’s definitely not out of the question.” When pressed about whether Katarzyna was perhaps Polish, as her name might suggest, our interviewee turned green (sounds Irish enough to us!) and lurched off into the bushes.
Thankfully, another student, this one sporting a “kiss me, I’m Irish” cropped tank top, agreed to be interviewed. Our leprechaun’s stepmother’s grandfather’s uncle immigrated to the US from Cork when he was ten years old. While Leprechaun had never met this Irishman, he nevertheless “feel[s] super Irish” because his “stepmom makes killer corned beef.” Unfortunately, he could not stay to continue the conversation because he had to “get to bed early” to start drinking at 8 am the next morning.
When we interviewed James, a real-life Irish student we hunted down in the Global Brown Center, he said that he never really feels away from home around St Paddy’s Day, and that everyone’s Braveheart impressions warm his heart (yes Braveheart is Scottish, but it’s the thought that counts). So while it may say 15% of our students come from abroad on Brown’s pamphlets, know that the truth is closer to 100% in March, at least in our hearts <3 (But FAFSA please keep giving us aid it’s just our hearts not our tax status bbg).