The bra market has rapidly changed recently, but it’s still not quite where it needs to be. The debased, unnecessarily sexual, painfully non-diverse Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show has faced backlash, and their essentially one-size-fits-none-well bra sizing is getting some heat. To counter, Aerie has appeased consumers by featuring a wide range of models and vowing not to retouch their photos. And sure, ThirdLove has stepped in with bras that claim to fix gaping cups and digging straps, but still, no one has provided me with a bra that accommodates my anxietitty! As my anxiety developed, so too did a third tit in the center of my chest–my anxietitty–and this poor lil’ guy has never known the comfort of a bra cup just for it.
This isn’t some selfish plea to fill a void that only affects me: 33% of women will have anxiety at some point in their lifetime, and thus a third boob, or anxietitty. So, a third of bra-wearers would benefit from a bra built with anxietitties in mind. This anxiety can be crippling at times, filling minds with swirling and spiraling thoughts. Did you leave the oven on? Does everyone secretly hate you because of that one time you pronounced ‘niche’ wrong in class? Was your admission to Brown a fluke? Did you get mistaken for someone else who had paid to pretend to be on the crew team? All of these questions would feel a lot less scary if there were comfy bras to hold our anxietitties in.
And, even those who don’t have anxietitties would be better off, as they could use their extra cup like a teeny pocket! This would be very helpful because women’s clothing goes so far to avoid having actually useful pockets that they sometimes even make fake pockets.
A bra with three cups would mean space for Goldfish on the go, tampons (so you don’t have to attempt to stealthily stick them in your shirt sleeve), or, yes, your previously painfully-unaccommodated for anxietitties. We’d all be better off with our anxietitties nicely supported as we cram into a packed and sweaty SciLi elevator, give a presentation in class, and see our crushes walking towards us on Thayer. Let’s keep our fingers crossed and anxietitties perky as we wait for the coming of an unprecedented cup, and a life changing bra.
Image via Sindura Sriram.