Compliments
Fellas! Please deal with your internalized fat-phobia with a therapist or your skinny friends! This — or any accolade followed by a massive qualifier — is not a compliment! Maybe instead, try saying, “I’m a little man-baby who is confused by my attraction to you! Let me express that while reminding you how lucky your size 14 body is to be blessed by my incredibly average penis.”
If you are ever aren’t sure if you’re being a good guy or a “good guy,” just remember your FATS 🙂
F – Fucking someone who isn’t society’s arbitrary “ideal” does not make you a hero.
A – Attempting to convince a partner to have unprotected sex after they’ve expressed discomfort with that is shitty and if you do you suck more than drinking a thick milkshake through a tiny straw.
T – Trim your fingernails, for the love of all things holy.
S – Spending some time munching carpet is the bare minimum. You don’t get brownie points just because you lazily licked for a minute and a half before saying “now, suck my dick.”
Everything shared is 100% true with no exaggeration. Tune in next week for Ep. 3 to see what other shenanigans Annie’s Friend gets into during her messy search for love.