What I wanted/What I got.
My friends and I had been ogling the hot sound guy for the entire open mic. When the show ended, he came over to compliment my stand-up (!) As he started talking I blurted “I think you are so attractive!!” Instead of reading the loud outburst from a girl who just spent 5 minutes telling jokes about her instability as a very clear red flag, he said “I was thinking YOU were attractive!”
— “Yeah yeah, and then everybody clapped, right? ‘Viva Forever’ by the spice girls play as Hot Sound Guy twirled a dip-kissed you, righttt? Former Chancellor of Germany and ultimate MILF Angela Merkel walked by and said ‘wow, I’d watch those two hotties get down and dirty while sipping red wine,’ riiiiiiggghtttt?” Fuck you. My life is a movie; that all could have happened —
Anyway, I asked for his number and he puts it in my phone (hot). As soon as I got home, I put on my crazy pants and started manifesting.
After we exchanged “hi its me” texts, a month passed without any more messages. At this point, I was confident that he wasn’t interested. However, there was another open mic and I didn’t want the possibility of an awkward interaction to keep me from doing my certainly awkward performance. So, I went. I looked cute. The audience laughed. I sat down and tried to exude “men fly across the country to suck my toes” energy.
Hot Sound Guy found me after the show to say good job and to apologize for being unresponsive. It’s just that he’s been suuuper busy starting a business, but he doessss want to hang out. And oh hey! He’s hosting a meditation tomorrow at 6:00am — earlier than I’ve ever gotten up for the possibility of sex — and I should totally come!
Grumpily, I woke up, put on the tank top I knit the year before to show that I am both creative and have massive tits, and biked over. Wool has a certain odor that can be best described as “:*(“. If you combine that with the fact that in my 5:15 haze I forgot to put on deodorant and just biked 3 miles, it becomes more like “>:{“. In a visible stink cloud, I arrived. It was just us. Cushions sat neatly in a corner and I grabbed one and picked a spot. We sat quietly for an hour (another thing I’ve never done for maybe penis), and after, we started talking. Oh? Oh oh?? Did my manic journaling actually shift the course of space and time? Will this be the moment I had played out in my head while avoiding doing anything of value? lol, no.
Everything shared is 100% true with no exaggeration. Tune in next week for ep. 2 to see what other shenanigans Annie’s friend gets into during her messy search for love.