Mr. Mo, we just want to start off by saying thank you for lending The Rib news department some of your time. We know life must be crazy for you right now, both in normal deer ways and also with the recent celebrity status you’ve gained.
Please, it’s my honor. The Rib is by far clearly the best news publication at Brown University if not in the entire state of Rhode Island. I usually read your articles over my morning cappuccino.
The honor is ours, Mr. Mo. Over at the Rib, we are very impressed with the long journey you must’ve taken in order to arrive at Morris Hall. There are few wooded areas for deer like yourself near campus.
Thank you. I’ll be honest, the logistics were challenging. I walked much of the way, as I find Providence to be a relatively pedestrian friendly city. Still, although my residence at India Point Park is only about a mile out, my route was largely on an incline. Fortunately the bus made the last leg of my journey a bit easier, and I got some enjoyable alone time as everyone got off at the stop that I got on. Needless to say, I really am a large advocate for public transit.
What compelled you to make this journey?
I’ll be honest, it’s hard to be overtly intellectual in the hoofed ruminant mammal community. From a very young age, you’re taught to pride foraging and general meandering over algebra or philosophy. The culture is very conformist. But my parents were different. They taught me to read Plato before my antlers were even fully grown and encouraged lively discussions about the current political climate over dinner. Sure, it didn’t make me the most popular deer in primary school, but it was really a very mentally-stimulating environment. When I presented them with my hopes of attending Brown University, they were both very supportive.
Why Morris Hall?
My plans of starting school in the fall were regrettably thrown off by some interpersonal deer matters that arose in the herd at the end of the summer. I concluded that the only conceivable way that I might be allowed to join mid-semester would be if I could rally student support. I had heard rumors through the deer community that Brown students enjoy petitioning the administration on various matters, and I thought mine could be the next cause. My campaign would begin in residence halls to make it an intimate and personal issue. Why MoChamp? Well many people don’t know this about me, but Mo is actually short for Morris, so I thought it seemed like a fitting choice to start rallying support there.
Morris is an odd name for a deer.
The Rib is an odd name for a publication.
Alright. Can you tell us a bit about what happened after you arrived?
Yes, although as I’m sure you know, it is not a very pretty story. As a deer, I have limited access to artificial lighting, so reading at night often strains my eyes. Sadly, given that glasses haven’t been normalized in deer culture as of yet, I deal with my poor eyesight. I did not mean to shatter any glass, it’s just frankly I didn’t see it there. I thought I was simply walking into the oddly open building when, bam! Suddenly all the students start running out of the building screaming. I assumed there must be something awful happening, so I started freaking out and tried to escape too, but with the moderate anxiety condition I have, I became very disoriented. I will say, I’m not sure the tranquilizer was necessary as Xanax usually does the job, but I appreciated the concern for my mental well-being. Next thing I knew, I woke up in a wooded clearing. It was difficult to find my way home, but as a fawn I was obsessed with memorizing subway systems and maps, so I made it back to India Point with not too much trouble.
Is this the end of your pursuit of higher education?
That’s a question I’ve been getting a lot. It’s hard to say. I think once the media coverage dies down and I have some time to myself, I’ll really have to mull it over. The deer community of India Point Park has really been there for me since the incident, and that’s made me appreciate my herd in a new way. Now if you’ll excuse me, it is nearing foraging hour, and my bus should be arriving in a few minutes.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Mo.
No, thank you.
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