Listen. I’m a woman on a mission. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m fighting to revolutionize the romantic comedy industry. It is plagued with endless plot holes, discriminatory jokes, thinly veiled misogyny, and oppressive beauty standards. The exclusion and dehumanization of 2D characters is especially appalling.
But my years of research have led me to a solution. Yes, that’s right: the adults of our favorite childhood TV shows are hirable, desirable, and here to stay! I’m going to spotlight a few of the swoon-worthy men from the PBS Kids franchise that will do justice to the tried and true tropes of the romcom genre.
The Boy Next Door: Caillou’s Dad, Boris
Josh in Clueless. Matt in 13 Going On 30. You never expect to fall in love with them (sometimes because they’re your ex-step-brother, lol) but you eventually realize what was right in front of you all along. Caillou’s dad, Boris, fits perfectly into the boy-next-door type, with his youthful look and casual but pointed fashion choices (he knows green is his color). He’s your best friend one day, but you start picturing your future children the next. They’ll get his luscious hair (pretty sure Caillou’s not his biological son, but I have yet to get a comment from his current “wife”) in addition to your lust for life and secret family recipes.
I can already see you two getting a house and decorating – this was what your hours of playing “Building with Caillou” were for. He’s already proven that he’s a great partner and father – this will make breaking up his family a little harder, but once you two get married, these qualities of his will come in handy!
Boris hasn’t been getting much love from casting directors, so send him a sultry letter for Valentine’s Day. He’s genuinely kind, so he’ll probably send you a batch of cookies and a “No, thank you” card.
The Cool, Bad Boy: Buster’s Dad, Bo
Okay, I know Bo Baxter doesn’t exactly look like Jacob in Crazy, Stupid, Love or Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You, but his attitude and lifestyle is what makes him a bad boy. Plus, his reinvented suburban dad look is an improvement from the earlier seasons of Arthur. Though I do have some questions for the animators about the furry themes…
Anyway. Bo is a pilot/groupie for Los Viajeros, a Latin American rock group. Super cool, if you’re not a middle-aged father. He definitely makes “edgy” jokes and then blames his broken home when he’s called out for being an awful person. He also thinks adding “o” at the end of every word when ordering at a Latin restaurant is wildly attractive (the band confirms my suspicions that it is not).
Him being a largely absent father adds to his bad-boy street cred, but I guess him taking Buster on a whirlwind vacation around the world is an okay start to reciprocating the one-sided relationship. Though, he probably hits on women at hotel bars while his son hangs out in their room unsupervised. If you happen to run into Bo, I’d advise you to run. Yeah, something about him is so damn hot, but you know he’s literally terrible. You can’t force a redemption arc in real life; ask his ex-wife Bitzi.
The Nice Guy: The Man in the Yellow Hat
Tom in 500 Days of Summer. Tim in About Time (that movie is wildly problematic but the father-son bond makes me cry). And now Ted Shackleford a.k.a. The Man in The Yellow Hat. You might think men with ‘T’ names are the ones to avoid, but the world (and romcom genre) is crawling with nice guys.
They lead simple, normal lives. Ted’s profession is a little unclear, but he works in a museum or animal research? Neither would pay much, but he can still afford a spacious NYC apartment, a cozy country home, and a very hands-on monkey. Suspicious, but most nice guys seem to have ample time and money to pamper – okay sometimes, stalk – their romantic interests. He probably has plans for a Central Park picnic, a private museum tour, or a candlelit dinner at Chef Pisghetti’s for you two…
Don’t be fooled though; nice guys have plenty of issues to work through. Ted’s a looker for sure (proof: NSFW TikTok), but he is very insecure without his yellow hat. He even gaslit somebody at the DMV into letting him wear it for his license photo. George – Ted’s obligatory romcom confidante and pet/child – says their relationship is largely unfulfilling. Ted often steers the conversation towards himself and asks for help in curating the perfect Tinder openings. George usually comes up with “ooo ooh aaa aah”, which Ted scoffs at. After watching my interview tapes with George and reruns of his hit show, I hypothesized that Ted is condescending and patronizing. He is always calling George a “good little monkey”, and something about that rubs me the wrong way.
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There are so many more blockbuster-worthy PBS Kids adults that I’m in the process of collecting more data about. Preliminary reports tell me that Dr. Two Brains from World Girl would be amazing in an enemy-turned-lover story
and the Kratts brothers from Wild Kratts would make a steamy, brothers-fighting-over-the-same-gal duo!
I’m excited to be pioneering the increase in representation of white, cis-gendered, straight, thin, and cartoon actors into mainstream media. These charming men may be physically 2-dimensional, but their character and potential is boundless.
I’m so glad you’re joining me in this daring, but necessary movement. Remember, this program in part is brought to you by viewers like you… Thank you!