Somehow, despite having nine whole months to pick a grandparent name, white people have continuously fumbled the bag. Intrigued by these bizarre decisions, I conducted a formal study in which I surveyed the internet, my friends, and the good people of Sidechat. As a result I have compiled a list of unique grandparent names, on a scale of “very cool” to “absolutely not,” perhaps to inspire you to get a head start on coming up with your own name and avoid such errors.
- “Granther”
My friend casually dropped into conversation that this is what she calls her grandfather and I was in awe. Is it a combination of “grand” and “father?” Was it just a split decision the moment the kid was born? Either way I think it is very creative and very cool. 10/10.
- “Amos”
My dad has a friend named Steve who upon having grandkids decided he no longer wanted to be called by his real name and did not want any sort of “grandfather”-related name either, and thus decided on “Amos.” I think this is a tactful decision; using the birth of a child as a means to push a personal agenda of a name change. Very admirable. 9/10.
- “Martha”
Martha Stewart has her grandkids call her Martha. Honestly this is a power move and I would have expected nothing less from her. 7/10.
- “Mamaw” (pronounced Ma’am Maw) and “Papaw” (pronounced Pap Paw)
This was a submission on Sidechat that I found particularly striking. I have never heard this said out loud in my life, and the pronunciation had to be clarified for me in said Sidechat. I think at some point people just started combining every version of “ma” and “pa” until they got something new, a method I do not support. However, points for creativity. 5/10.
- “El Jefe”
For some unknown reason the 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush makes his grandchildren call him this. Perhaps he longs for the authority he once held as President (?) but this is just weird. 2/10.
- “Mimi Maxwell”
Laura Bush chose this one, so clearly something was up in that family. This is a completely random name, not someone else’s name that she liked, not even two components of two different names she liked, and yet she settled on “Mimi Maxwell.” What? At least “Amos” has a grandfatherly feel to it. Also 2/10.
- “Memaw”
Overheard by my friend somewhere in Florida. I can’t think of any way you could say this in a serious context. Imagine having to say that your Memaw died. Morbid, but a necessary consideration before such a name is decided on! 1/10.
- “Boom Boom”
This is what Caitlyn Jenner’s grandkids call her. I cannot even fathom why one would choose this. If someone called me “Boom Boom” I would feel extremely insulted. My research tells me that this name was chosen as a gender-neutral grandparent name. How could that idea have POSSIBLY led to the name “Boom Boom?” I am still confused. 0/10.
What have I learned from this? Very little. I think perhaps it might just be best to stick with the basics.
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