As a lifetime resident of New England, I can attest to the fact that the fall foliage here is beautiful. I can also attest to the fact that it attracts unbelievably large hordes of people, called leaf peepers, who visit New England just to ogle and photograph the changing leaves. But leaf peeping isn’t just a tourist activity: it’s a lifestyle. If you’ve never been leaf peeping or have never even heard of it, then this guide is for you! An insider’s** tips on how to be the perfect peeper!
**Disclaimer: I’ve never actually gone leaf peeping, but I have driven past a lot of trees and gotten stuck in traffic with a lot of leaf peepers, so I am definitely more than qualified to give advice on the subject.
- Drive really slowly as you bask in the general splendor of the foliage. Remember the tortoise and the hare: slow and steady wins the race! Except there’s no finish line and no hare, so basically just think like a tortoise: slooooooow.
- Except when you should drive really fast, like in places with rude speed limit signs that are probably fake. Is your car even moving at 15mph? These signs are probably just meant for tractors and horse-drawn carriages anyways.
- Honk repeatedly when other cars drive slowly in front of you. You have important trees to see, and no time for newbies who don’t know where the fast zones are. Alternatively, if you’d like to inspire even more rude hand gestures, lean out the window and yell “Peep-peep, coming through!”
- Tell all of your friends to come leaf peeping with you and form a long caravan of cars. Don’t let anyone else pass you or split up the indestructible peeping squad.
- Stop your car in the middle of the road to take pictures of every different kind of tree you see. This may mean frequent stops (like every two feet), but it is crucial that you fully document this experience. People will not believe that you actually saw trees if you don’t have pictures.
- Never use ordinary color words like yellow or orange when loudly exclaiming about the foliage. Instead, take a leaf out of Crayola’s book and use words like English vermillion, burnt sienna, and sizzling sunrise to make your descriptions spicier than the spice in a pumpkin spice latte.
- Don’t forget to visit other cute fall places too, like corn mazes, pumpkin patches, and apple orchards. Wear matching sweaters and take family photos. Ask oblivious questions about how they turn apples into cider.
- Return home and drink copious quantities of apple cider to help you get over your foliage withdrawal pains. It may take a few days, but you will eventually be able to see the rest of the world in color again.
- Start planning to take the same leaf-peeping voyage next year because obviously the foliage looks different every year.
- Spend the next eleven months talking about how excited you are to go peeping again!
