As the year comes to a close and our beloved seniors come so close to graduating, it’s time to send them off into the big bad world with a final toast. Without further ado, please join us for some parting remarks to our graduating Seniors…
Take a shot and then drop for the radiant, boundlessly hilarious Daniella Balarezo! Daniella showed us how to sexualize an M&M, how to cure the blues with an ABBA spotify sesh, and how to roast white people who like Sweet Caroline (or is it Valerie?) a little too much. To quote her, “Fuuuuccccckkkkkkk duuuuuuuudddeeeeee.”
Sweet, sweet Elizabeth Purington brought us tales from the dairy farm. Raise your 2% for this kween, a true icon of mismatched socks and Ben & Jerry’s flavors. She gave us all so much support and so many Sour Patch Kids.
Nicole Martinez knows all the lyrics to “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes and honestly that’s worthy of another round on us. Her content? Exacting. Her stride? Purposeful. Her pop culture takes? Perfect. Did she teach us how to love ourselves? Duh. We are all dating fish-people because of her, and we wouldn’t want it any other way.
Ali M. oh Ali M! Fearless leader when The Rib was but a wee Riblet! Fearless video maestro who subjected herself to Brown’s worst bathrooms for the sake of fine art! She is so good at so many things that awe and amaze us.
Pour one out for Kristina, who one Rib writer has called “So Weird, in a way that worries but also delights me.” Anyone would be lucky to drive Kristina back from Philadelphia, or maybe we should all conspire to strand her there so she can grace us with more brilliance.
Cheers to Allie G. our OG, our SNL-loving, lox-obsessed darling. Whether she’s exposing the realities of studying abroad, boys who don’t text back, or Mr. Mark Zuckerberg himself, we can only dream of having another writer as prolific, as honest, and as open to questions about their recessive jaw as her.
Kneel down before Monika Rajagopalan, our benevolent tech overlord who ruled with a dry wit, a heart of gold, and really well-coordinated laptop stickers. The Rib as we know it would truly not exist without Monika, and we are a little bit terrified to run a website without her guidance and her hot takes about being a woman in CS.
Raise your glass for Elizabeth McClellan, who has the hair of a mermaid and also the jokes of a mermaid, if that mermaid is the funniest mermaid in all of the ocean. Kind and talented beyond compare, Elizabeth has flipped off the patriarchy and sociologized hook-up culture for the betterment of human and Rib-kind. We are forever grateful.
And one final toast to everyone graduating who has written for The Rib, who has read The Rib, or who has a rib. Congratulations on all of your hard work! We love you!
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